


The White Crow

by Dori_M



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of feels and stuff, A very sad Hinata, Abuse, Angst, Anorexia, Coming Out, Depression, Extreme Homophobia, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homphobic Parents, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Like, Lots of Homophobia stuffs, M/M, Major Violence, Molestation, Nightmares, Oikawa being nice for a change, Physical Abuse, Rape, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Violence, Slurs, Suga's inner mama, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, There is only like three sex scenes and they ain't even that explicit, Very depressing, a lot of self harming, lost of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:18:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6215989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dori_M/pseuds/Dori_M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata's gay, and has a crush on Kageyama . He gets bullied and abused for it outside of school, especially by his father, and tries to hide it from everyone. He becomes depressed, and pushes himself away from everyone. How will his volleyball family, including other teams, help him get through this mess? (Also, little does he know, a certain someone likes him back. )A KageHina fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Why do I have to be gay?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic on AO3, so please no flames! If you enjoy it, which I hope you do, please comment your (good) thoughts on it.  
> -  
> I update every Saturday  
> -  
> This fic is also up on Fanfiction.net -https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11825818/1/The-White-Crow

"Kageyama, nice serve!"

Hinata watched as the ball was thrown up into the air. His eyes gleamed with interested as he watched the volleyball soar through the air. The way it spun, the way it turned with such great accuracy. It was obviously a great toss. Hinata watched the way Kageyama ran towards the ball; so graceful. He paused now that the ball reached its highest point, and jumped. His arm swung around in a swinging motion and his palm connected with the ball. The force from the swing and the momentum sent the ball flying through the air in a perfect ark. So cool! Hinata thought. He watched as Kageyama landed on the ground with graceful thud. Hinata noticed how his shirt rose up which showed off his vague six-pack…Wait, why am I thinking this!

Unfortunately, Hinata also watched as the ball sailed over the net, heading in the direction of Hinata. Shit! Sadly, due to the weird ass thoughts Hinata had of Kageyama in the middle of a match, Hinata couldn't move. He watched as his vision went black as the volleyball connected with his face. The impact from the serve sent Hinata off is feet, and cause him to fall to the ground with a thud. Hinata let out a surprised yelp as a pain shot up from his butt to his back.

Once the volleyball had left his face, his vision had cleared. All of the volleyball members, well actually some, crowded around the flustered Hinata. The pain in his ass and back had subsided, and his dirty thoughts had cleared. He rubbed his hand against his neck as a nervous gesture. He felt embarrassed.

"Hinata! Are you alright?" Suga asked, handing Hinata a water bottle. Hinata took a small sip and handed it back to Suga. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's not anything I'm not used to anyways…"

"That's something you shouldn't be proud of." Nishinoya said, offering Hinata a hand to help him up, which Hinata gladly took. "I'm not proud of it!" Hinata spat back, standing up from his uncomfortable position on the floor.

"It sure seemed like it."

All heads turned to see the where the voice was coming from. On the other side of the net, away from the little huddle, stood a very pissed off Kageyama. He had a menacing, angry aura, like one of those that you would see in a manga or anime. Reflexively, Hinata slowly backed away as the ticked Kageyama made his way across the volleyball court, slowly making his way closer to Hinata.

"Hinata let me ask you something." Hinata's eyes became wide as his back collided with the wall. Since Hinata couldn't back away any further, Kageyama continued to close in on Hinata. His hair was covering his eyes, so he couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Kageyama, that's enough. It was an accident, no need to be mad." Daichi said, reaching out an arm in front of Kageyama in an attempt to stop him.

Completely ignoring Daichi, Kageyama continued his angry march towards Hinata, who was cowering against a wall. With every step, he became closer and closer to Hinata until he was eventually right in front of him. Swallowing up all his fears, Hinata stood up straight from his cowering, crouching position, looking Kageyama straight in the eyes, which were no longer covered by his hair.

"Why the fuck were you spacing out, dumbass?"

Kageyama was using his height to his advantage, as he stood over Hinata with a pissed off expression. Unable to tell Kageyama the truth, Hinata was hopelessly looking for a response.

Kageyama relaxed his stance as a firm hand appeared on his shoulder. "I said, that's enough."

Kageyama turned around to see Daichi standing behind him with a stern expression on his face. Hinata calmed down now that Kageyama wasn't angry anymore. Ok fine, he was still angry, but at least he wasn't as hostile.

"Ok, that's enough for today, good job everyone! Make sure you clean up before you leave, and get a good night's sleep. You don't want to be tired at practice tomorrow, because were gonna work extra hard! Oh, and don't forget, there will be a joint practice session this Wednesday. Yes, I know, it was supposed to be on the weekend, but the schedule has changed. That's all for tonight boys!" Coach Ukai's voice echoed through the gym causing everyone to stop what they were doing, including Kageyama and Daichi's little argument.

"Gomen, Hinata, Daichi." Kageyama said, before walking off in the direction of the volleyball net to help clean up. Hinata followed Kageyama's example to help him take down the volleyball net.

"Hey, Kageyama, sorry for spacing out earlier." Hinata said, in an attempt to make conversation with Kageyama as they were taking the net down from the poles.

"Just don't do it again, dumbass." Kageyama replied simply.

After everything was cleaned up and put away, everyone headed out to his or her respective destinations. Kageyama and Hinata, however, continued walking until they reached the fork in their paths.

"Say, Hinata, do every get weird thoughts once in a while?"

A car legitimately almost ran Hinata's bike over as Hinata chocked on the water he was currently drinking, which caused him to loosen his grip on his bike. Fortunately, he caught just in time before it could tumble into the street. After recovering from the minor coughing fit, Hinata turned his head to face a very serious Kageyama. He couldn't know about earlier, could he?

"W-What do yo mean by that…?" Hinata stumbled with his selection of words.

There was a short pause before Kageyama started walking again, turning his back to Hinata. "Forget about, it was nothing. Our walking stops here, I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, and don't forget, I'll win the race to school for sure tomorrow." Kageyama said, while waving at Hinata. His back was still turned so Hinata couldn't see the smirk that was on Kageyama's face.

"No, I'll win Bakageyama!" Hinata yelled back at him. Maybe the thought was only a one time only thing after all…

After Kageyama left, Hinata got on his bike and proceeded to pedaling down the street towards his house. Hinata let out and exasperated sigh as he felt little droplets fall on his shoulder. The one time Hinata forgot his poncho, it rains. Luckily, he was close to home so he wouldn't get too wet.

As Hinata approached his house, he began to wonder if he was forgetting something, very important that was supposed to take place today. Sighing in frustration, Hinata began pedaling faster. When his house was in sight, there was something off about ot. Pedaling into the driveway, he was cautious to make sure he didn't hit the car.

Wait a minute, this isn't my car!

Panic spread throughout his body and mind as his vision veered over to the window. The light was on, and Hinata saw two adult figures at the window, talking. Since there was a curtain, he couldn't make out who was at the window. Hinata was obviously forgetting something very important, and just couldn't remember it.

Slowly approaching the door, careful not to make too much noise, he parked his bike and silently pulled out his house key. After inserting it into the key hole, he turned his hand in a swift motion, and opened up the house door.

Looking to his left, which was where his living room was, he noticed that the door was open. Now that he was inside of the house, he could now identify who the two figures were. One was, obviously, his mom. The other figure was…

"Hello Shoyo! I have exciting news for you! Your dad just got back from his business trip that was in America, and he's staying for a whole five months! Isn't that awesome some Shoyo!"

So that's what I was forgetting! Dad was coming back! How could I forget something so important!

"Yeah, that's awesome!" Hinata exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. He hadn't seen his dad in years because he was off on a business trip across the world. Having him back should be a very enjoyable experience.

"Unfortunately…"

Hinata's smile faltered as he turned his head to stare at his mom, who was looking down at the floor with a frown on her face. She looked up from the ground to meat Hinata in the face.

"Natsu is going to Japan's National Youth Spelling Bee tomorrow, so you will be alone with your father. It is not until Thursday, but we are leaving early to check in and adapt to the place. It is an unfamiliar part of Japan, after all. We won't be getting back until Sunday, and today is Monday, so we are going to be gone for about a week. But don't worry! When we get back, I'll make sure that we get some family time." Hinata could see the disappointment in her gleam, and attempted to cheer her up a bit.

"Don't worry mom, it's fine! Besides, this gives my dad and me extra Father-Son bonding time! Right dad?" Hinata pumped his fists while looking over at his dad, who was smiling like crazy. "Yes my dear, Shoyo's right. You don't have to worry about anything."

After those words, Hinata's mom relaxed her shoulders. Sighing, she got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. "We'll be leaving tomorrow morning, but don't worry. Natsu and I will make sure we say our goodbye's before heading out. By the way, Shoyo, you must be hungry. What do you want for dinner?"

Taking off his shoes and entering his house, he headed towards the stairs. "Nothing, I'm not hungry tonight." After replying to his mom, Hinata started walking up the stairs. Even though he should be spending time with his father, he was tired. He would get enough Father-Son bonding time during the week/weekend for sure.

Since he didn't shower after afternoon practice, he got ready for his shower. After setting out his pajamas on the bed and being undressed, he heads into the bathroom. Making sure the water isn't too cold or too hot, he turned the water on. Since he had a lot of homework to do, he wouldn't be taking a bath because he had to be quick.

As Hinata started showering, his mind started to wander. Without realizing it, he began thinking back to afternoon practice.

The way he performed his jump serve, was like a bird soaring through the sky. So graceful and elegant, yet intimidating and powerful. He really does scare me a lot. His landing was absolutely flawless. Especially, at the point of impact, where his shirt rose up to reveal his vaguely toned abs. Oh how I wish…

Wait! What the hell am I thinking!

In a panic, Hinata rushed out of the shower, not bothering cleaning off the remains of soap particles that still lay on his skin. After flying out of the bathroom in a record-setting speed, he busted into his room, almost tripping over his trashcan. Slamming the door shut, he rested his back against it. He slowly started sinking down to the point where he was sitting on the floor of his room, knees up, and back against the wall. Looking over to his left, he glanced at the mirror.

Oh God…

Hinata was severely blushing. His cheeks were a bright, crimson red, and his hair was shaggy from being wet. His blush became a shade deeper when he realized he was still naked. Letting out a gasp, he dashed to his bed and began throwing on his clothes.

After getting fully dressed, he flopped onto his bed. Too lazy and too tired to do homework, he took out his laptop and opened it up. Trying to distract him from his weird ass thoughts, Hinata started browsing through volleyball articles and videos. Eventually, he came across a website that has all different kinds of volleyball relating things. Videos, gear, advice, tips, nation team stats, professional staff. It was perfect. Hinata was sure to show this website to his team someday.

He clicked on this one video labeled: How to make your quick unstoppable.

Obviously interested, Hinata clicked on the video. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders as an advertising video popped up with no skip ad option. He rested his head against his pillow and relaxed his eyes, trying to patiently wait the ad out. Unfortunately, his eyes began to droop and he almost fell asleep due to his extreme fatigue and tiredness. To keep himself from not falling asleep before the video, he opened his eyes.

Worst mistake every made…

To Hinata's displeasure, the ad was on some gay romance novel that apparently had just come out. Gay. The word echoed in his mind like a mega-phone in a big room. That word was going to haunt Hinata forever, and he was going to regret it.

Gay…Am I….g-gay?

No, Hinata was not gay. He's had a crush on a girl before, and the thought has never crossed his mind. Therefore, he is not gay!

Hinata's never seen or heard of a gay sports player, nor does he think he ever will. Being gay in Japan was like being a flamingo in a group of tigers. They just don't belong. One thing that did surprise Hinata, was the fact that one word could change a person's life forever. It just didn't make any sense. One moment Hinata was fine as crap, playing volleyball like your average high schooler, but now, Hinata wasn't an average high schooler. He was a gay high schooler.

Wait! I'm not gay! I just saw the word and got flustered, that's all! Calm down, Hinata, calm the fuck down. Shit!

Hinata slammed his laptop shut and pounded his bed with the balls of his fist. He began punching and punching until his knuckles turned red from all the friction and pressure. This wasn't supposed to happen. Hinata was just supposed to be innocently watching a volleyball video; trying to get some more useful insight on quicks.

But no! Instead, the universe took a turn for the worst, and showed Hinata the damned video; the damned video, which had the damned cursed word in it. Now, when Hinata should be sleeping peacefully, he is questioning his sexuality.

I'm straight I'm straight I'm straight I'm straight….I'M STRAIGHT!

Hinata screamed into his pillow in frustration. Being gay was wrong in society, so Hinata has to be straight. On the other hand, does he?

No, shut up! I am straight!

Hinata continued to think thoughts in an attempt to convince him that he was straight. Failing, he threw his arms up in the air and wailed. This was getting absolutely nowhere.

Almost falling off the bed, Hinata jumped in surprise as his father opened the door to his room. He didn't even hear him walking down the hall! "Shoyo, you are making too much noise. It's midnight and your sister and mother are sound asleep. You don't want to wake them up, do you? The have a big day tomorrow. Go to sleep." His father said in a tired tone. It was obvious he was tired too, but not tired enough to sleep through Hinata's antics.

"S-sorry dad. I'll be quiet and go to sleep." Hinata fell back down on his bed, and pulled the covers over his body. His dad left without another word, and closed the door as quietly as possible.

Silently cursing himself for being so loud, Hinata attempted to sleep. He no longer wanted to look at the volleyball video; too afraid to see what will happen if he does. After realizing that he won't be getting any sleep, he reluctantly grabbed his laptop and opened it again. The ad had already played through, and the video was ready to be played. Hinata didn't have time that right now, though.

Instead, he went on google and searched something that he was going to regret later on.

How to tell if your gay?

Scared of what he's going to find, he reluctantly pressed the enter key on his laptop, and threw his mouth open when he saw the results.

Apparently, this was a pretty big deal. There were billions of results, and all looked very similar. After closing his mouth, taking a deep breath, and preparing for the worst, Hinata clicked on the very first option.

It was a professional personality quiz taking site thing, so Hinata assumed the results were going to be accurate. After all, it did say results are 99% accurate. The quiz read: Are you gay? As if the quiz had read Hinata's mind, there was a disclaimer right above the quiz. As Hinata let his eyes gaze upon the disclaimer, he read it:

So, this goes out to all the people taking this quiz. Just know that if you turn out to be gay, that is perfectly fine, even if some of society doesn't accept it. Also know, that there is a part of society that cares.. I know that more than 99% of the people taking this now are afraid of what result they will get. You are taking this quiz because you are questioning your sexuality. First, kudos to those who were brave enough to take this quiz. Just know that preference means nothing, and that the homophobes out there are haters. Just ignore the haters. You are perfect just the way you are! It is okay to be gay! Anyways, I hope all of you get the memo, and if not it's ok. Just take your time. Now, on with the quiz!

Hinata sat frozen in his bead, reading the disclaimer. His eyes stayed locked on the disclaimer. The word now was taunting him even more than before. So apparently being gay really isn't ok with society. I thought these types of disclaimers were supposed to help people! Panicking, he quickly pressed the Let's Start button and began the quiz of fate.

The first question had been fairly simple and straightforward. The next question however had a little more thought put into it. The farther Hinata got into the quiz, the harder he had to think deep within himself. After a while, Hinata had been getting very annoyed. The quiz still hadn't ended, even after 40 questions. Finally, at the 50th one, it ended.

The last question was one that Hinata should have been expecting, but didn't expect it. It said: Do you think you're gay?

Hinata had to ponder on that question for quite a while. Up until recently, Hinata hadn't had any disturbing thoughts, other than the one at afternoon practice. He has had a crush on a girl before, but could he really call that a crush?

It was in elementary school on the popular girl in class. Everyone liked her, do Hinata decided he would like her too.

That doesn't really count as a crush, so Hinata hasn't had a crush on a girl.

But…

He hasn't had one on a guy either. Would that make him asexual?

No! I'm not asexual, because I like Kageyama. Wait what? I do? No, just fucking no! I don't have a crush on Kageyama! But I don't like girls…but I don't like guys! Or do I…No!

Hinata thought he was having a panic attack, but quickly silenced himself at the thought of his father coming into his room again, angry. Honestly, Hinata had no idea what he was, and that thought terrified him. How could one simple thought, that was probably just puberty, get him so riled up? On top of that, the ad that contained the one simple word potentially ruined his life forever. Wait, scratch that, not entirely. Hinata could be asexual, but that would make no sense considering the thought he had of Kageyama during afternoon practice. One thing that did bother Hinata though, was the fact that he hadn't thought of Kageyama that way before, even when they were changing in the club room.

Hinata thought his head was going to explode from all of this overthinking. He had been staring at the screen the whole time, in a state of deep thought, and hadn't made any attempt at answering the question.

Who knew such a simple question could cause such major overthinking.

Hinata looked at the clock. It read: 1:07. So, Hinata had been taking this quiz for a little over an hour. Hinata's eyes had begun to droop again, and he was beginning to feel tired. He had morning practice tomorrow, and he didn't want to slack off in practice tomorrow. Sighing, he looked over at the computer screen, and attempted to answer the final question.

Hinata knew that lying wouldn't do him any good, but he didn't really know the answer to the question either. Even though there should be an 'I don't know' option, there wasn't, and Hinata knew that he had to make a choice, quickly. It was almost 1:15, and Hinata was getting extremely tired. After a lot of sighing and shrugging of the shoulders, Hinata made his decision.

Focusing his vision on the question and the answers, his hand slowly moved over to the mouse pad on his laptop. Pressing his fingers against it, he began moving it so that the pointer on the screen reached its desired destination.

Closing his eyes, he pressed the mouse pad. With tears falling down his face, he silently answered one simple word.

Yes  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kageyama began nervously tapping the pads of his fingers against the phone. He was trying to pass time by browsing through his phone in an attempt to calm down his nerves. Ever since the afternoon practice ended, Kageyama's thoughts began flowing restlessly. He wanted to know what the heck was going through Hinata's mind.

He had obviously been staring at him during afternoon volleyball practice, but he just didn't know the reason why.

Why would the shrimp be staring at me, let alone thinking about me?

Sure, it was just a simple hunch, but most of Kageyama's hunches eventually end up being correct. While he was serving, Hinata looked pale, almost, and was deeply staring at Kageyama with those light, chocolate brown eyes of his. Not only was he staring, but he was also looking at something. That something being Kageyama, who happened to be serving at the time of Hinata's spacing out shenanigans.

Obviously not helping Kageyama calm down his nerves, he threw his phone across the room , causing it to land with a thump.

Fortunately, Kageyama didn't have to worry about waking up his parents, because he didn't have any. Well, he did, but they were off in America on some business trip for the month. His neighbor, who also happened to be his mother's best friend, would frequently stop by the house to check up Kageyama occasionally.

Kageyama threw his head against his pillow, and pulled the covers up and over his head. He was currently in his bed drowning in his own thought about afternoon practice, obviously getting no sleep. Kageyama has tried falling asleep, but his body showed no hint of tiredness despite his minds overwhelming fatigue.

Hinata's thoughts weren't any of Kageyama's business, unless they were life-threating, but since they were obviously about him, Kageyama thought he deserved the right to know.

Maybe he has a crush on me?

No, that was impossible. Kageyama was the only gay person in the school, in all of Miyagi, in all of Japan, and in the whole world as far as Kageyama's knowledge goes. Ok fine, that was a little far-fetched, but that was what Kageyama felt like. Nobody knew he was gay except himself, and he intended to keep it that way for the rest of his life. The only was he would spill his secret would be if all of society and the entire world accepted the LBGT community, and everyone knew that that would not happen. Even though there is that 1% of people that accepted them, that's not enough.

How one thought could lead to another really astonished Kageyama, as he grunted in displeasure and rolled over to one side, still under the comfort of his bed covers. Curious took over him, though, as he peeked his head out from underneath the covers and took a quick glance at the clock.

1:09

I wonder what Hinata is doing right now?

Kageyama did wonder what the shrimp was doing, even though he shouldn't give a crap about what he was actually doing right now. He was curious, though. I wonder if he's thinking about me right now? Wait, what am I thinking right now! Why was Kageyama thinking about Hinata? He has never thought about him like this, so why now? Maybe it had to do with the incident at afternoon practice.

Maybe Kageyama had a crush on Hinata…

No! That was impossible! Kageyama has never shown any romantic feelings towards someone, and wasn't planning to until later on in his life. Crushes, romance, dating, stuff like that; Kageyama wanted nothing to do with it, because it would interrupt and interfere with his volleyball, and volleyball was the only thing that Kageyama wanted to focus on in his life right now. All of that cheesy-romance crap was supposed to happen later on his life, so why now?

Moreover, there was no way Hinata was gay. He was always awkward around girls, and fine around a guy; that was what your typical, straight boy would act like. However, Hinata isn't normal though.

Kageyama desperately needed to calm his thoughts, because they were getting him nowhere. Hinata was not gay, Kageyama did not like him, Hinata did not like him back, and Kageyama was the only gay person he knew. That is how it is supposed to be, and that is what it will be, and is currently. Romance can't change fate.

Screaming a muffled scream in his pillow, Kageyama turned around so he was lying on his belly, and smashed his face into the pillow. He quickly took it out, not wanting to suffocate. Looking over at the clock once more, it read 1:18. Suddenly interested in sleep, he turned over again, this time so that he was lying on his back and was staring directly at the ceiling. Closing his eyes, he thought back again at this afternoon's events. He thought about everything, including the incident at afternoon practice, up until his current thoughts right now.

Kageyama had concluded something very important right before he fell asleep.

Kageyama had concluded something that could either destroy his life forever, or slowly but surely make his life an absolute heaven.

Kageyama had a crush on Hinata  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata woke up to the sounds of a loud crash coming from no more than a few feet away from him. Out of fear, he quickly shot up and out of his bed with a quiet cry, afraid that a burglar had intruded his house. Relief washed over him as he looked over only to see his dad. The crash turned out to be Hinata's chair, which was violently thrown across his bedroom. Panic immediately spread through his mind once again, in fear that he was in some serious, deep trouble. He didn't do anything wrong that would get him in trouble, so why was his father so mad?

Processing the situation a little bit better, he realized that here was something in his father's hand. On the other side of his bedroom, his dad was holding his laptop, all while wearing a very angry and disappointed look on his face.

Not completely comprehending the situation, Hinata spoke up and ask his father the question. "Dad, why are you holding my laptop? Did I do something wrong?" Trying to figure out what he had exactly done, he thought back to the events of yesterday. It was impossible that he knew about what had happened at afternoon practice, so that was out of the question. Nothing had happened after school that would have gotten him in serious trouble, and when he got home he did everything he was supposed to do. Wait, crap!

I didn't do my homework!

That was probably why his father was angry with him. He doesn't really know his father all that well, so he was probably one of those fathers who got angry at their children for not doing their homework. He quickly began contemplating excuses in his mind for why he didn't do his homework. He couldn't tell him why he was on his laptop, because his father would kill him for that.

Wait a minute…

Realization quickly rushed through Hinata as his eyes shot open in fear. His gaze drifted towards the laptop. The screen was pointing towards his father, who was angrily looking at the screen. Shit! I've been caught!

"Shoyo, what the hell is this!" His father's deep voice boomed through his bedroom as he turned the laptop in his hands so that the screen was facing towards Hinata. His father reached out his arm and pointed a finger at the screen. It was still on the quiz page, and apparently Hinata had been too tired to stay awake long enough to see the results.

On the screen, in big, bold letters, it read: 'CONGRADULATIONS! YOU ARE GAY!'

Underneath that, were two whole paragraphs on why the results were what they were, self-confidence shit, and probably some other comforting crap that he didn't really care about. Above everything was the label: Are you gay? Take the quiz to find out, and another whole paragraph on the company, society, and other boring shit he didn't really care about either.

All Hinata was focused on was the big, bold letters that confirmed his sexuality. He was also focused on finding an excuse he would use to get out of this mess. With no such luck, he let his instincts take over and began spitting out words.

"I-I-i-ts-ss n-not w-w-hat y-you think…! I-I-I c-can explain!" Hinata began vigorously waving his arms in front of his face, trying his best to explain the current situation.

"You better explain right now young man!" He said, spitting saliva directly on Hinata's face. Out of frustration and anger, he threw his laptop across the room, which fortunately landed on his bed without a scratch.

"W-Well I-I-I-iii ummmm…. W-well y-y-you s-see, I-I t-tookthequizjusttomakesureiwasstraight! T-That's all I p-promise! I-I p-p-promise I-I'm straight! Thequizislying!" Hinata wasn't sure his father was going to believe the lie that Hinata had made up right on the spot. It wasn't a complete lie, he did take the quiz to make sure he was straight, but the actually being straight part was a lie. With all the stuttering due to panic, Hinata was sure his lie was not going to work.

His father said otherwise, however, when he shrugged his shoulders and relaxed his expression. He was obviously still angry, but thank the lord, not as angry as he was before. "Well, Shoyo, why does the test say otherwise?"

Shit, I am so done for…

Hinata was afraid this was going to happen, so one could say he was rather prepared for this. Taking a long, nerve-relaxing breath, he tried his best to remain calm. In case you were wondering, he failed miserably.

"T-THETESTWASLYINGISWEARPLEASEDON'TKILLME!"

Hinata was a little bit too scared, and was desperately holding on for his life. He was afraid of what would happen if his father had gotten the truth out of him. From what is happen currently, his father was obviously a homophobe, and almost everyone knows what happens between a homophobic father, and a homosexual son.

What Hinata had been expecting was a scolding from his father. What Hinata had been hoping for was his father believing the lie and leave him alone.

What he had not been expecting, was a punch to the face.

When his fist connected with Hinata's eye, Hinata screamed in pain. His vision in his left eye went black, and all he could see was a mixture of blurriness from his right eye. Hinata fell to the ground and landed with a loud thump onto his back. After a few seconds of silence, with the exception of his father's ragged breathing, his vision slowly began to clear.

His father was standing right in front of him, with a look of disgust on his face. He had the fist that he punched Hinata with pointing directly at Hinata, while the other one hung strongly by his side. The fist that he punched Hinata with had blood on it. Hinata pressed his own hand against his left eye, and felt a warm substance flow onto his hand. When he separated his hand from his face, there was blood on his palm.

Holy crap was Hinata's dad strong.

"Now listen up kid, I believe you; for now…If I ever find out that you are gay, or anything related to that type of shit, I will make your living hell, a fucking living hell! Now, that punch right now was just a little sign of what I can do! This is your final and only warning!"

Hinata's father marched his way towards the door, and walked out, slamming the door shut. Before you know it, though, he opened it up again and poked his head out.

"Oh, and for your information, Shoyo, your mother and sister have already left. They left a note on your desk, but I accidently ripped it up, sorry. It's just me and you for the week/weekend, Shoyo!" With that, he closed the door, and walked away slowly.

All Hinata could feel was pain, just straight up pain. Both physically, and mentally. His left eye was throbbing with pain, but it did stop bleeding. Hinata sat there, crying, pulling his knees to his chest. This is what it meant to be gay; a constant bother in society, a constant burden in everyone's lives. Even though he could not admit it, Hinata was gay, and most likely had a crush on Kageyama, who obviously did not like him back. The only thing that ran through Hinata's mind was what he was going to do. Even though he was gay, he could actually be and live like a gay person. Doing that will just result in abuse and torture, which Hinata did not want in his life. If only his father didn't see it, if only Hinata didn't click on the quiz, if only Hinata wasn't gay! All of these thoughts ran through his mind as he cried on the floor. After a few minutes of crying, he looked over at the clock. 9:45. He was late for school, and his friends will start to get suspicious, especially Kageyama. Hinata screamed in frustration, causing the tears to flow faster than before.

This is where Hinata's living hell began.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So…what did you people think? This is just the prologue, and I hoped you enjoyed it! 

Anyways, see you guys later!


	2. Chapter 1 - Questions and Mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's day just keeps getting worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iamreallysorryfornotupdatingisortofhadthis50pageessayduethatireallyneededtodopleasedon'tkillme! *hides in Kags shirt*
> 
> Back to weekly updates now :)
> 
> PLEASE READ: I noticed the italics didn't come up last chapter, so for thoughts, they are in 'these things'  
> Also, no flames please! But, c.c and good stuff is always welcome! Hope you enjoy!

Today was not like any other typical day for Hinata. He was just supposed to go through his normal, daily morning routine without flaw. Today, however, was completely terrible.

As if Hinata had not already had been stressing out about being gay and all that, his father just had to go and ruin things for Hinata largely. Hinata had just recently, last night actually, found out he was gay. To have his father come across something embarrassing like an 'Are you gay' quiz and physically warn him not to be gay, which is something that cannot be helped, can really ruin someone's day. In this case, it was Hinata's day, his whole life actually; and his homophobic dick father ruined that.

Hinata had planned not go to school because of all of this bullshit his father did to him, but unfortunately, his father forced him to go in order to not arouse suspicion.

Hinata was becoming a little too stressed out as he desperately tried his best to come up with a reasonable excuse for why he was late to school and morning practice with a black eye all while riding on his bike to school. Riding his bike to school with a fresh, throbbing black eye was not the easiest thing in the world.

Eventually, Hinata came up with a reasonable excuse as to why he had a black eye and why he was late. He was going to say Natsu left one of her jump ropes on the stairs, and Hinata had tripped on it while walking down the stairs in the morning. As for the late for school part, if anyone questioned it, he would just say he was seeing his mother and sister off before they left for their trip. Hinata stopped stressing out when he finally came up with a reasonable excuse.

Hinata was starting to get tired from all the pedaling. He was not usually this worn out; in fact, he was usually in great shape. 'Oh yeah…maybe it was because I did not eat breakfast this morning and woke up late, that is all.'

Finally reaching the school, Hinata parked his bike and practically ran towards the school. It was currently lunchtime, and he had to get to his usual spot on the roof in order to get to Kageyama.

'But wait…should I really go?'

Hinata was not sure if he wanted to talk to Kageyama. Kageyama his crush.

'But wait! I am not gay! I cannot be! Even if I am, my father will beat me up for it again. Uhhhhhh this is so frustrating. Moreover, I might actually view Kageyama differently than I did before, because I like him. You know what, screw it, I am going for it. Besides, what could possibly go wrong?'

Everything could go wrong.

Concluding in his decision, Hinata decided to go and eat lunch with Kageyama despite the gut feeling telling him that eating lunch with Kageyama would result in disaster.

As he entered to school, the hallways were surprisingly emptier than usual. This did not bother Hinata at all; in fact, this meant that Hinata had fewer people staring at him and his swelling black eye. Just like expected, the few lingering students in the hall stared at Hinata as if he was some alien. It wasn't every day you saw a usually jumpy, hyperactive high school student strolling down the hallway with a black eye.

Finally reaching his locker, he unlocked it and opened it up. Putting his backpack and all of his books inside, he reached in his backpack to get his lunch.

'Shit…'

Hinata forgot his lunch.

Of course, he did; hence, the fact he was out the door in a rush trying his best to get to school. Sighing a sigh of defeat, Hinata slammed his locker shut, earning a few more stares his way, and walked towards the bathroom. Looks like this is where he will be spending the rest of lunch period. There would be no point in eating lunch with Kageyama if he did not have a lunch at all.

Quickly slipping into the bathroom, he took a good look at himself in the mirror. He did not get the chance to look at himself in the mirror on the way to school because he was in a hurry. In fact, he did not get the time to do anything at all, unfortunately including brining his homework to school.

'Holy…!'

Looking in the mirror was something Hinata had wished he had done earlier. If he did, maybe he could have presented himself a little bit more.

His eye was more terrible than he had thought it was. It was black and blue, obviously, and had bloodstains around the corner. The eye itself was red and puffy, and not just from the punch he took from his father. His other eye was better than the left eye, but it still looked bad. His right eye was red and puffy, only from crying. It had dark circles under it due to the lack of sleep he had last night.

To make matters worse, not only did his eyes look terrible, but also the rest of him looked just as bad. His hair was a jumbled mess, way worse than usual. His shirt was all jumbled up and untucked, and his whole body figure was hunched forward.

The worse part of it all definitely had to be his facial expression. His usually cheery look on his face was still there, but it had dullened. There was also a look of confusion and helplessness on his face.

Oh, God did Hinata look horrifying.

Quickly readjusting his shirt, fixing his hair a little bit, and putting on a smile, he looked in the mirror.

'Much better…'

Hinata's thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind as the bell rang for all of his afternoon classes. Sneaking another glance in the mirror before walking off, Hinata turned away from the mirror and walked out of the bathroom.

Almost immediately, everyone in the hallway turned to stare at Hinata, and that was many people. It was not as if everyone was silently gawking at Hinata, but more like everyone was stealing a few glances her and there at Hinata. To be frank, it was starting to annoy Hinata.

Ignoring every one and their stares, he quickly made his way to his locker, opened it, and got everything he needed for his afternoon classes, closed the locker, and walked to his next class. He wasted no time doing anything that might take up unnecessary time. Hinata had one goal and one goal only; make it to class on time.

Unfortunately, for Hinata, today was Tuesday, which was another thing to add to his list of 'What makes this day the worst'. Every Tuesday, Hinata's class right after lunch was on the other side of the school, which made transportation difficult for Hinata.

The last thing Hinata needed was for him to be late to class. He had already missed all of his morning classes, and he didn't need to miss his afternoon class either. Fortunately, he made it to his class on time. Hinata thought he had looked better than before, but after running from one end of the school to another brought Hinata's mood down a lot.

Sliding the door to his first class of the afternoon open, he prepared for the worst.

As expected, all heads turned to Hinata and his black eye. What especially worried Hinata the most, was the look on Kageyama's face. As Hinata's glance shifted over to Kageyama, who was looking handsome as ever-

'Holy Shit stop!'

Quickly turning away from Kageyama, no longer being able to look him in the eye, Hinata once again ignored the stares and comments from people and swiftly made his way to his seat.

'Seriously people! You all act as if you have not seen a black eye before!'

Slumping down in his desk, Hinata plopped the books he needed for this class on his desk, which was math, and buried his head in his hands.

'Wait a minute, math…'

"Good afternoon punks! Ready for another lesson in hell!"

Oh great…

Hinata knew that everyone hated the math teacher. It wasn't an opinion, but a fact. The teacher was obnoxious, rude, annoying, loud, and terrible teacher. However, no one knows how this is; everyone passes his classes and gets A's on all of his tests and exams. Even though the teacher is rude, he still gets the lesson in your head.

Nevertheless, that doesn't change the fact that everybody hates him; for a good reason too.

Children, his students, knew the teacher for his rude and obnoxious behavior in particular. At least once a week there would be a complaint to the principal, reporting a case of "Teacher bullies student". Unfortunately, for the students of Karasuno, the math teacher was known as the classic, cliché, teacher who would pick on its students.

Hinata did not want to start his day at school like this. Well, it is not as if the beginning of the day was very good either.

As the teacher made his way over to his desk, everyone began shuffling in his or her seats. Yes, they should have gotten used to his rotten presence by now hence it is already April.

He is just that bad.

Not even five minutes into class and he already picks on someone. Unfortunately, for Hinata, it was him.

"Hinata, what the heck happened to that eye of yours?"

Hinata responded with the lie he came up with earlier this morning. "W-Well I-"

"Never mind, I don't care. You probably got beaten up by some bullies, and couldn't fight back because of you girly figure."

'G-Girly f-f-figure…? Is that what I am?'

"Well never mind that, let's get started with-"

Now it was Hinata's turn to interrupt him. He stood up, grabbed all of his stuff, and ran out of the classroom so damn fast no one could have stop him even if they had tried. Hinata ran straight for the bathroom, looking at the floor the whole time, trying his best to control his uncontrollable tears. Fortunately, for Hinata, there was surprisingly no one in the hallway. Finally reaching his destination, aka the bathroom, Hinata pushed the door open so fast he nearly tripped. Going into one of the stalls, he shut the door, and poured all of his stuff on the dirty bathroom floor.

Hinata sat on the toilet and put his knees up to his chest and sob; sobbed and thought, hoping no one would enter the bathroom.

Hinata let the tears let loose. He started sobbing and sobbing, not stopping, tightening the grip on his legs harder with each sob.

'Do I really have a girly figure? Wait! IS it because I'm gay? No, no, it can't be. No one knows that I'm gay. But wait, I can't be gay, my dad won't let me! But I am! UHHHHHHH.'

Hinata's tears were uncontrollable at this point. The harder Hinata tried to suppress his tears, the harder they flowed. Finally, giving up, Hinata let loose his grip on his legs, bringing them to the floor. Hinata hunched his head and back over so they were looking at the floor in between Hinata's legs. As the tears flowed, they eventually started to soak all of his textbooks and other belongings; not as if he cared anyway.

'Wait a minute…'

'When have I ever been so sad before? I'm usually happy! Holy shit I'm crying, what am I doing…I need to stop, like immediately!'

Breaking out of his depression thoughts, Hinata quickly gathered all of his things, picking them up off of the dirty bathroom floor, and exited the stall. As Hinata looked in the mirror, a small gasp escaped his lips as he looked at his face. His black eye looked a little bit better, but his eyes were red and puffy from crying, even worse than from earlier this morning. Hinata, putting his books down on the floor once again, turned on the sink and splashed his face with water. Feeling a little bit better than before, Hinata proceeded to walk out of the bathroom, only to be interrupted by the person he least wanted to see right now. Well, second least.

It was Tsukishima.

Hinata immediately looked down at the floor, trying his best to avoid his gaze. Swiftly, he ran past Tsukishima in an attempt to pass by him before he would question him. The last thing he wanted was for Tsukishima to bully and make fun of him even more fore crying; Hinata looked pathetic, even more than this morning. In his current state, Hinata would make the perfect subject for teasing.

Considering Hinata's current luck today, it was no surprise when Tsukishima reached his arm out and grabbed Hinata's shoulder with a firm grip. He obviously did not intend to let him go.

'But…why would the stingy, rude Tsukishima care about me?'

"Why are you crying? And what the hell happened to your eye? Where were you at morning practice?"

Hinata looked up from the ground and bravely met Tsukishima's gaze. His face still held the bored, expressionless expression, but his eyes had a gleam of curiosity and concern.

Hinata, who did not intend to spill the truth to Tsukishima, tried his best to come up with a lie on the spot.

"I-I fell down the stairs and i-it randomly s-started hurting…!"

'Well…that certainly did not go as planned'

Tsukishima, who did not believe Hinata's lie one bit, tightened his grip on Hinata, causing him to flinch in surprise.

Luckily, for Hinata, Tsukishima was not the type of person to press on a problem. Hinata visibly relaxed as Tsukishima removed his hand from Hinata's shoulder. "I know your lying, but you don't have to tell me anything," and with that, Tsukishima walked off.

Hinata stood there, frozen in the hallway, trying his best to suppress his tears. Why did all of the bad things have to happen to Hinata? As the day went on, all of Hinata's issues and problems just seemed to get worse.

**********

Hinata spent the rest of the day in the bathroom, which was probably not a good idea. In fact, it was probably one of the worst decisions Hinata had ever made, because after school, before afternoon practice, Hinata's English teacher called him into an empty classroom.

Before leaving the bathroom, Hinata stole yet another glance at the mirror. He looked much better than this morning. It was probably because Hinata had taken the time to calm himself down before leaving for afternoon practice.

After leaving the bathroom, Hinata anxiously made his way over to the English classroom, which was close to where Hinata was currently located. Sliding the door open, Hinata made his way inside the empty English classroom, where the English teacher was patiently waiting.

Closing the door behind him, Hinata took a seat in an empty desk close to wear the teacher was sitting, but not close enough to make Hinata puke.

"I think you might know why you are here, Hinata." The English teacher said as she stood up from here seat.

"I-I'm sorry, sensei," Hinata replied quickly, "for skipping all of my afternoon classes!"

Hinata got up off his seat and bowed to his teacher, trying his best not to let the tears slide.

'I hope she is not mad! What if she is? What if I can't play volleyball anymore?'

Confusion overtook Hinata as the English teacher let out a really loud laugh. She sat back down in an empty desk, and looked over at Hinata. Slowly rising from his bowing position, Hinata met his English teacher's eyes. They held a gleam of sympathy, which made Hinata even more confused than he already was before.

"Don't worry about that, Hinata. You probably had a good reason too anyways."

"…huh?" 'She is not mad at me?'

"That's not what I had planned to talk to you about, Hinata. Well, ok fine, a little bit about that. What I was going to say was a student came up to me and told me about what the Math teacher had said to you, and I wanted to talk to you about it just to see if you were ok. After hearing that you skipped all of the afternoon classes, I would assume that his words really got to you, Hinata. If you want to explain to me, or vent out your feelings, I'm all ears."

After hearing all of that, Hinata released a long, anxious breathe that he didn't even notice he was holding. His shoulders visibly relaxed, and he took a seat back down in the empty chair. Hinata did need to talk to someone about his problems, but he wasn't sure if he was capable of doing that without breaking down.

Hinata liked the English teacher, because she was nice and understanding. She didn't seem like the person who would judge someone based on whether they were gay or not, so Hinata was starting to believe telling her would be a good decision. Now of course, Hinata, under no circumstances, will tell her the truth behind his black eye, but might tell her about everything else on his mind.

After all, his day could not possibly get any worse than it already is.

Taking in a deep breathe, Hinata prepared for what could be the savior of his problems.

"….u-uh"

Unfortunately, for Hinata, not a single understandable word came out of his mouth. WHY THE FUCK CAN I NOT SPEAK!

Unable to process any more words, Hinata started to panic. A couple seconds later, Hinata began to cry. Not because he was sad, but because he couldn't build up the words to express his feelings to his English teacher.

"Hinata, don't cry darling. You don't have to tell me anything right now, but at the end of every day I'm free if you want to talk. Oh! Crap, sorry. I just remembered, you usually have afternoon volleyball practice around this hour, don't you? Sorry for making you late!"

With that, the English teacher got up, and exited the classroom.

Hinata sat in his empty seat for a while, thinking back on what had just happened. 'If only I told her! If only I fucking told her!'

However, the English teacher was right. Afternoon practice was around this hour, and Hinata needed to play volleyball as soon as possible. In fact, Hinata was five minutes late to afternoon practice! Getting up from the chair, Hinata flew out of the classroom as fast as he could, which was pretty fast considering he had done it three or four times today, and raced as fast as he could to the clubroom.

After a few minutes of heavy running, Hinata had reached the gym. He was scared of what his senpais would say to him for missing morning practice and the first five minutes of afternoon practice. The person he was scared of most, however, was Kageyama.

This practice was going to be the end of him.

"Coach Ukai, why exactly are we having more extra away practice on a Wednesday? We can't just skip school can we?" Daichi, who was currently talking with Coach Ukai, asked.

"Well, we did do the long week training camp during the summer, but they decided on doing an extra one this week before the Spring High-Miyagi prefecture representative playoffs took place. Yes, I know, it was very sudden, but apparently, something happened down in Tokyo, so the schools are closed. I mean, what is the harm in extra practice?" Coach Ukai explained.

Daichi nodded his head in response, "Makes a lot more sense, after you explained it."

"Yeah, well we should explain it to the team after-"

Coach Ukai's sentence, and the rest of Coach Ukai and Daichi's conversation, was immediately by a very bored Tsukishima standing a few feet away from them. After he coughed loudly into his hands, the Coach stopped talking and looked over at Tsukishima along with Daichi.

"Tsukishima, did you need something?" Daichi asked Tsukishima, who was acting bored as ever.

Tsukishima opened his mouth to say something, but was rudely interrupted by the sound of the gym door opening. Hinata, who looked like crap, walked inside of the gym.

"Sorry for being late!" Hinata yelled, as he bowed to the team. After apologizing for his tardiness, Hinata made his way over to the side of the gym to get ready for practice.

"Tsukishima…" Daichi said, waving his hand in front of Tsukishima's face, "do you need something?"

"Never mind, it's nothing." Tsukishima sighed, and walked away without saying another word to anyone.

'Wonder what that was about…'

**********

After rushing out of the school in record speed, Hinata made his way over to the club room. Getting changed as fast as he could, he set down his stuff as fast as he could and rushed over to the gym. Looking at the clock on the school, he realized that he was already twelve minutes late, and his team was going to get suspicious. Hinata didn't feel like explaining to the whole team why he had missed out on morning practice, but he knew that it was going to be necessary.

Approaching the gym, Hinata took of his shoes, got his indoor shoes ready, and opened the door. Upon entering, everyone turned to look at Hinata. "Sorry for being late!" He yelled across the gym

"Hinata! What the hell happened to your eye?"

"Why were you late to morning practice?"

"Are you ok? You look like shit!"

Hinata was trying to do his best blocking out the questions that were coming from none other than his two senpais, Nishinoya and Tanaka. Thankfully, however, Suga came to Hinata's rescue

"Leave him alone you two! Go back to practice like everyone else is." Suga said to the two boys, who were feeling defeated. Hinata let out a breath he had been holding, which he has done twice today, and turned to thank Suga.

"Thanks for helping me out, Suga-san!" Hinata thanked him.

"Any time. I do have to ask, though, what did happen to your eye?" Suga asked, giving Hinata his signature "momma questioning look".

Hinata shrugged his shoulders and did his best to try to remember the excuse he came up with on the way to school. "I-I accidentally t-tripped on one of my sister's jump ropes that was lying on the steps and f-fell down the stairs…" Hinata nervously rubbed the back of neck.

Hinata did not think Suga would by it, considering he was the "mom" of the team, but he did not think Suga would pester him about it either. Both fortunately, and unfortunately, both of Hinata's thoughts were true.

"Oh, ok. Well, Hinata, I hope you get better! Also, was that the reason you missed morning practice?"

"U-Ummm…no. My sister and mom were leaving for a trip and I wanted to see them goodbye."

Suga nodded in response, and walked off to join the others for practice. By the look on Suga's face, Hinata could tell that he knew Hinata was lying, Thankfully, Suga isn't the type of person to press on a certain matter, and Hinata was sometimes glad for that.

After properly stretching and warming up, he shortly joined the team. First, they worked on receives. Fortunately, for Hinata, he could still focus on volleyball, and nothing else that involves his personal or love life. He didn't make all of his receives, but he didn't miss all of them either.

"Oh, time for spiking!"

'Oh shit….spiking meant'

Hinata turned around to find Kageyama ready in his usual setting position. There was just no way, no fucking way he would practice with Kageyama in this state. He was sure that he will get distracted by the way he sets, and how his shirt rises up, and all the other crap like that. Going in line to spike with Suga would be the best choice, but people would question him.

Hinata was just going to go for it, so he got in line to spike with Kageyama. After all, their quick did need to work in order to win games, both practice and official.

He was second in line and started to feel nervous. He wasn't going to throw up, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to make a perfect set or not.

"Hinata, dumbass! Are you going to go, or not?"

Hinata quickly exited out of his thoughts and turned to face a very angry looking Kageyama. The good thing was, he wasn't having any thoughts. Maybe Kageyama's scary face scared Hinata into thinking normally again.

Hinata sighed, and jumped up to spike like he usually did. He ran up a few feet away from the net, positioned his feet just right, swung up his arms and…..

'Damn! Kageyama is cute when he sets!'

"What the-" Hinata said out loud, before jumping right into the net, falling onto the floor with a loud 'thud', rolling onto the other side of the court.

After falling, everyone rushed to Hinata and crowded around him in a circle. Everyone started crowding around him, asking him all of these questions, and it looked Hinata was a little flustered.

Since when was Hinata ever flustered?

"Ok everyone! Give him some space, and go back to practice." Daichi said, motioning for everyone to go back to practicing spikes. After everyone left Hinata to go and practice, with the acceptance of Daichi and Suga.

"You alright, Hinata?" Daichi asked, while offering a hand to help Hinata up from the ground. Hinata gladly accepted it, and jumped up to his feet with a bright (fake) smile of his. "Don't worry; I'm fine and ready to go! I accidently tripped for some weird reason, but I am fine now!" Hinata said, trying his best to convince his senpais that he was all right.

Suga, however, looked unconvinced.

"Hinata, are you sure that you are ok? I mean, that was a pretty hard fall there. Not to mention, you also have a black eye, Hinata." Suga said, with a worried glance.

Hinata, who was expecting this, replied with a quick response. "Don't worry, Suga-san! I'm sure I'm ok!" Hinata said, while putting on one of his brightest smiles.

"If you say so…just be more careful, alright?" Daichi said, shooting Hinata a worried glance.

"I'll me more careful, I promise!" Hinata said, while giving them a thumbs up.

After the mess was all sorted out, Hinata got back into the line with Kageyama in it. When it was his turn to spike, Hinata repeated everything he did last time, but this time, however, Hinata avoided all thoughts about Kageyama, and managed to spike the ball successfully.

'I did it!'

'I was worried about nothing, and am back in action! I spiked it as I normally do!'

Just barely…

**********

"Oi, dumbass, why the hell are you avoiding me?" Kageyama asked Hinata, as the two of them walked to their houses together. They had been walking awkwardly silent up until now, when Kageyama asked Hinata "the question". Hinata wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"W-What are you talking about? I haven't been avoiding you!" Hinata said. After the words came out of his mouth, he knew he had lied. He avoided him during lunch, during classes, during practice (as much as he could), and he was technically avoiding him right now. It was not as if Hinata hated him or anything like that, it was just because he liked him, which is all there was to it.

"Liar! You haven't talked to me all damn day, dumbass!" Kageyama yelled at Hinata

Hinata has never heard Kageyama yell so loud in such a rude manor before. Sure, there was their fight right in front of Yachi, but that was different from this time.

"I-I….I'm sorry!" Hinata yelled right back at him.

"Sure you are…" Kageyama said right back at Hinata.

Leaving things like that, Kageyama walked off to the destination of his house.

Hinata felt like he was going to cry. He wanted to explain to Kageyama what had actually happened, but the words did not come out. He wanted to tell him that all of this was just one big misunderstanding. Unfortunately, no words came out of Hinata's mouth.

Tears started running down Hinata's face as he ran back to his home as fast as he could, bike by his side.

Once he reached his house, he parked his bike where he always put it afterschool, ran to the door. After unlocking it, he pushed open the door, slammed it shut, and sprinted upstairs as fast as he could. Apparently, his dad had a late night job, so he would not be coming home until 10:00, which was fine with Hinata.

After reaching the safety of his room, Hinata slammed the door to his room shut and jumped on the bed, and sobbed. It wasn't a full out sob, but more like tears running down Hinata's face while it was shoved in a pillow and he occasionally hiccupped here and there.

'I've never seen Kageyama so mad before! It is not as if I did anything wrong, did I? Maybe I should not have ignored him all of this time!'

'Maybe, just maybe, things would have been better if only I had accepted my true feelings earlier…'

**********

Kageyama was super pissed, and no, that is not an overstatement. In fact, it was a complete understatement. Kageyama was mad at someone, and he wished that someone would die.

That someone was himself.

'I did not actually mean for those words to come out! I would never, under any circumstance, lash out at my baby bird of sunshine! Uhhhhhhhh….I am so mad at myself right now, I could die! Wait, no that would mean not seeing Hinata anymore.'

'Man, are feelings complicated.'

After getting home, Kageyama immediately rushed upstairs to take his shower. Not only was he mad at himself right now, but he was also upset at the fact that Hinata had been ignoring him. Kageyama knew that there was more to the story than what meets the eye, but Kageyama let his emotions take control of him.

Preparing for his shower, Kageyama got undressed and walked into his bathroom. Luckily, his parents were all the way on America on some business trip, and his neighbor hasn't checked on him in a while, which meant that Kageyama was home alone.

Before hopping into the shower, Kageyama made sure to prepare the water for a hot shower. A relaxing, hot shower was something that Kageyama needed right now. After turning the water on, he turned to look at himself in the mirror.

'I am pathetic. How could I do such a thing to Hinata? Tomorrow, before we leave for Tokyo, I had better apologize to him.'

When the steam started covering up the mirror, and filling up the whole room, Kageyama knew that his shower was ready. Stepping in, he savored the moments in which the hot water poured onto his back. It was somewhat relaxing in its own way, and relaxation was the one thing that Kageyama needed the most right now.

Feeling much better after his shower, Kageyama was dressed and got ready for bed. After slipping on his pajamas, he slid into bed and pulled the covers over his head. Before falling asleep, Kageyama thought up some of the best ways to apologize to Hinata.

Hoping, that the one he picked would work for sure.

**********

Hinata had definitely fallen asleep, because he had arrived home at around 9:15, and it was 11:07 pm. Since it was past 10:00, Hinata was sure that his father was home. He got scared for a moment, wondering what would happen if his dad wanted to talk to him, but then quickly remembered that he was probably asleep.

Quickly realizing that he had not eaten dinner when he came home, and the two-day away practice was tomorrow, he sneaked downstairs to go and get food.

After checking to see if his dad was asleep, which he was, he quietly tiptoed down the steps, trying his best to not step on any extra creaky spots on the floor. Safely making it down the steps, Hinata practically crawled his way over to the kitchen.

Looking around, there was a little bit of light coming from the windows, so it wasn't completely dark.

Still, even with the natural moonlight, it was creepy as hell.

Opening the door to the kitchen, Hinata walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open the door behind him. Since there was only one window in the kitchen, there was not as much natural light, meaning Hinata could not see very much. Tumbling around the kitchen looking for a light switch, Hinata had almost knocked down a flowerpot near the entrance to the kitchen.

After scanning the room a little bit more, Hinata saw and located a light switch on the side of the wall. Walking over to it, Hinata tip-toed quietly, trying his best to not knock anything over.

Unfortunately…it failed.

At about three-quarters of the way over to the light switch, Hinata tripped on something that was left on the floor and knocked over something that sounded like glass. Making it to the light switch, Hinata swiftly turned on the light to see what he had both tripped on and knocked over.

Looking at where he had tripped at, he noticed that there was some sort of wooden circular thing on the floor. After looking at it even closer, he realized that it was a corkscrew…

Scanning around the room, Hinata gasped at the sight before him.

Apparently, the think Hinata had knocked on the floor, was an empty, glass beer bottle.

Looking at the counter, there were five other glass beer bottles sprawled across the counter, all of them empty. Considering there was no one else here, besides him and his dad, which meant that his father was the one who drank all of these. Counting all of the ones on the counter, and the one on the floor, there were six empty beer bottles in all.

My dad drank six whole bottles of beer! What the hell!

Hinata was sure that his father was definitely drunk, considering he had six bottles of beer. Luckily, that meant that his father was probably passed out from alcohol.

On the other hand, maybe not…

Hinata jumped in his spot when he heard a loud bang coming from the direction of the door to the kitchen. Looking over, Hinata saw his father standing in the doorway. One hand was by his side, but the other was holding onto the wall for extra support.

Overall, Hinata's father did in fact, look like a homeless drunk man.

Hinata, who was scared for dear life, back up slowly against the wall. Hinata doesn't actually know what his father was like in general, let alone what he was like drunk! For all Hinata knew, he could be some crazy rapist when he was drunk.

Alternatively, which Hinata hoped he was, he could be just a normal, drunk man who is ready to pass out from all of the alcohol.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, his father was none of the above.

"Shoyo…" his father said in his normal, deep tone. Except, this time, his voice was a little less sane."

"Y-Yes sir?" Hinata replied, trying his best not to show his father all of his fear. He didn't know if it worked or not, but he hoped it did.

"What exactly are you doing up so late…?"

"…"

"You fag!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! (I think)
> 
> Sorry if this training sessions timeline thing is confusing for you. Ask me any questions, and I will gladly answer them for you.
> 
> Hope you liked it, and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 2 -Little Ball of Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little ball of sunshine went dark (sort of)

_“What exactly are you doing up so late…?”_

_“…”_

_“You fag!”_

That word swam through Hinata’s head as he stared as his drunken father stood at the doorway, not having moved from his previous spot. Hinata stood there, tears running his face, hair covering his eyes and his depressed expression.

“I asked you a question you little shit! What are you doing up so fucking late, you faggot!” Hinata’s dad yelled out, echoing throughout the empty kitchen. By now, tears were reaching the floor, dripping down from Hinata’s chin.

_A faggot? He does not know that I am gay though! How the hell did he find out! It must be because he’s drunk…_

“W-well, I-I umm…..I was g-getting a little bit thirsty! S-So I came down here to get water! That’s all…”

Hinata hoped that his father would believe what Hinata was saying. It wasn’t as if Hinata was actually lying; his father was drunk, and when people are drunk they make rash decisions without even thinking first about it.

Hinata was getting really scared. Even though he barely knows his father, he knows him well enough to point him out as a homophobe. If scolding a gay son while sober was bad enough, how the hell could Hinata survive a scolding from a drunk, homophobic father!

“Fine…I believe you. Come here son.” Hinata flinched at his father’s words. Hinata knew good and well that his father was lying from the sketchy look on his face. Slowly approaching his father, Hinata tried his best to avoid the broken glass on the floor. Gradually, Hinata could feel his heart beating anxiously. After closing the distance between them a few feet, Hinata’s father reached out and grabbed him by the collar of his white shirt.

“Listen to me you little shit! You are not allowed to be gay inside of this household! I warned you once, but no, that wasn’t enough for you, was it you fag? Fags are pathetic freaks who do not belong in this WORLD! FINE! You can be gay, but I will make sure your life will become a living hell! I will be your Satan on earth! Now, you don’t want that do you, little boy? Therefore, you are going to be a good boy and follow the rules of this house! Then, maybe, you can live a peaceful life, you hear me!”

By now, Hinata was practically crying a hurricane. His shorts were soaked from tears, and his eyes were as red as a rose. His mouth was chapped, and he was scared for his fucking life right now. Not only that, but he felt like his heart could explode out of his head any minute.

“I-It’s all a misunderstanding!” Hinata cried out, trying to break free from his father’s grasp, unfortunately, failing miserably. “ I-If y-you could let me explai-

“BULLSHIT” Hinata’s father yelled out at his son, throwing him down onto the floor. Hinata, who landed with a yelp, screamed out in pain and backed as far away from his father as possible (obviously trying his best to avoid the pieces of glass that were lying on the floor.) Once having backed up as far as humanly possible, back hitting the wall, Hinata looked up only to see his father still standing at the doorway, not having moved a muscle. Hinata took the very few seconds of awkward silence to recollect himself, but that didn’t really last all that long.

_It’s ok Hinata, it’s ok, he’s not going to hurt you. He’s just drunk. You will get through this, you hear me! I won’t die, tomorrow is the volleyball camp, and everything will get better, right?_

Hinata tensed back up as his father slowly started making his way back over to where Hinata was cowering against the wall. With each step, as his father got closer and closer, Hinata curled up into a vertical ball so tight he was afraid he was going to cut off his own circulation.

“Shoyo, my dear, why do you look so sad…” His father said, as he was standing right in front of Hinata. He put his hand against the wall, a few feet above Hinata, and towered over him with a deadly aura. Hinata swore he looked like he was about to murder someone.

_So, he’s being crafty now…._

“You know, Shoyo, everything would be ok if you would just be normal for once, you know what I mean? I would really appreciate it if you would stop being gay, and be what everyone is supposed to be, right? If you can do that…Shoyo……we wouldn’t be having any problems, would we now?

After a few seconds of silence, Hinata looked up from his little ball and met his father’s eyes. They were brown, just like his, except they had layers. Big, fat layers. In the first layer, Hinata saw what he saw when he first came home, when he met his father for the first time in forever. But, the layer on the bottom, is a darker, more evil layer. It held a gleam of hatred, a hatred that would never go away. Seeing this side of his once gentle father, the last ounce of tears were drained from his face.

“But……”

Hinata’s father’s voice brought him back into reality. Hinata looked up to see his grinning, one so evil it would put grown men into depression.

“THAT’S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, IS IT SON!”

Hinata gasped in pain as his father’s hand was brought down to his face with a loud _smack!_ Hinata screamed in pain, something he has done way to many times today, and fell limp against the floor.

Fortunately, he slapped the part of the face opposite to the side with the black eye, and it didn’t even touch his eye, just his cheek.

But, that doesn’t mean it hurt like hell and made Hinata cry tears he didn’t even think he had left in him. He brought his hand up to his face. The action made his cheek sting even more, but luckily, there wasn’t any blood left on his hand, which was a good thing.

Hinata panicked when he heard the faint sound of shuffling footsteps and glass being hassled around. When Hinata sat up from his spot on the floor, he screamed, for like the fifth time that day, when he saw what his father was doing.

His father had moved away from Hinata, and was standing in front of the glass pile that was lying on the floor. His back was facing Hinata, so he couldn’t see the expression on his face, or what he was holding in his hand. When he turned around, however, he could see everything perfectly.

The expression on his face was absolutely drunk. It wasn’t as evil as before, but it sure as hell wasn’t a good one either. He had a very straight face, and his eyes where a little bit hasty. His posture was also worse than before. All in all, Hinata’s dad looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

What scared Hinata was most, however, was the shard of glass he was holding in his hand.

It was long as crap, and had a very sharp tip. By just the looks of it, Hinata could tell that with just a small little poke could send skin breaking. Normally, this stuff wouldn’t scare Hinata, but considering the current situation at hand, any grown man would be scared for their lives.

“So, Mr. Fag, is ya scared bud? Ya look lil like scared derrr.” His father said, while slowly closing in on Hinata.

The drunkenness was starting to take effect, because Hinata had no clue as to what his father was saying, though he got the gist of it. After taking a couple steps, Hinata’s father was standing an arm’s length away from Hinata, who looked like he was about to faint.

Finally, being able to speak, Hinata spoke out to his father, “D-Dad, I-It’s all a mi-misunderstanding! J-Just LISTEN TO ME PLEASE!”

_Smack!_

Bad idea….

His father slapped him again, in the same spot has before, causing it to sting again. Luckily, since his father was very drunk, it wasn’t that hard.

“Ya don’t talk unless I TELL YA TO! YA HEAR ME!” His father screamed so loud the neighbors could probably hear him. Wait a minute….of course no one can hear him.

_I LIVE IN THE FUCKING MOUNTAINS!_

“N’ listen nice n clear Sho….You…Are…A…Fag! And ain’t nodin gonna change that. And..since you a rule breakrrr….you is gonna stay a fag! So…ta remind ya that ya don’t belong in dis world….imma make sure you remember your freakishness FOREVER!”

Hinata, who had a lot of trouble understanding what the hell his father was saying, had no idea what his father meant by that (at the time), but he did know that he was about to something bad that will involve hurting Hinata somehow.

Sadly,…..Hinata was right.

His father rushed at him so fast Hinata couldn’t do anything about it. His father pinned both of Hinata’s arms against the wall and held down his legs by sitting on Hinata’s ankles. With the other hand, his father brought it up to Hinata’s forearm, which was shaking uncontrollably, and pressed the glass against it, drawing blood.

“Now list’n up clos’ly kid….you is gonna und’rstand every word I’m bout to say…”

Hinata nodded slowly, scared for his life, silently praying that all of this would be over. His eyes dared to meet his father’s gaze, which was even more hastier than it was a couple of minutes ago.

“First, you are a fag. Fag’s are freaks, and they don’t belong in dis world, ya hear me?” His father said, while carving an F on Hinata’s forearm.

Hinata had to bite his tongue to prevent him from screaming from all the pain. Hinata didn’t care that he drew a little bit of blood, but his father was putting him in an unbearable amount of pain currently. His forearm felt as if a tiger was scratching the living hell out of Hinata’s arm. Blood was tricking down onto the floor, making Hinata almost faint. Right now, all Hinata wanted to do was get out of this mess, even if it meant dying.

“Second,” his father’s voice echoed through the kitchen, “Fags are creatures that are an outcast to society. If you want to be a fag, and live in this house simultaneously, that there will be punishments. I will beat you, starve you, and rape you until you cannot stand anymore. You got that?”

Hinata yelped as he carved an A right next to the F on his forearm.

Those words hit Hinata harder than any volleyball had before his entire life. Hinata, who was frozen on his spot on the floor, almost fainted for the second time. Those were all terrible, horrible things, and Hinata didn’t want any of that stuff to happen to him.

“Third,” his father continued, “If you decide you are not a fag, which will probably never happen, you are to prove it. You are to have sex, with a girl, right in front of me. If you are not to meet these standards, you will be considered a fag, and will be treated as stated in the second condition.”

Hinata winced as the G was carved right next to the A. Tears fell to the floor, mixing with the little puddle of blood on the floor as Hinata read the word that was carved into his forearm.

_F A G_

_So, I guess this is what I permanently am….guess there is no going back. Maybe, if I die, everything will go back to normal?_

Hinata sat there, against the wall, staring at his drunken father. All of his tears had been cried out, and all he wanted was for this whole freaking mess to be over. He wanted his father to go back to sleep, he wanted himself to back to sleep; he wanted to wake up with nothing having ever happened. Sadly, today was just not Hinata’s day, and none of that was going to happen.

Hinata’s father dropped the piece of glass that was currently in his hand, and tightened his grip on Hinata. His father, who was sitting on Hinata’s ankles, got up. Instead of letting Hinata go, however, he positioned both of his legs so that one leg was on Hinata’s leg, and the other leg was on Hinata’s other leg, spreading the four legs wide, forming a very disfigured rhombus type shape.

The hand, which used to carry the sharp piece of glass that cut Hinata, reached out towards Hinata, hovering over the hem of his shirt. He then lifted Hinata’s shirt, and then forced the bottom part of the shirt into Hinata’s mouth.

“Woah…whoa whoa whoa, what do you think you are do-“

Hinata’s were cut short when Hinata’s father forced the bottom part of Hinata’s shirt into his mouth, cutting off the cries of protest that were about to escape Hinata’s mouth. His hand then reached to the top of Hinata’s night shorts, dangerously close to Hinata’s crotch.

Hinata, who was obviously scared for his life and didn’t approve of what his father was about to do to him, screamed as loud as he could through his shirt and wiggled around like a fish out of water.

“SIT STILL YOU SON OF A BITCH BEFORE I FUCKIN KILL YA!” Hinata’s father yelled so loud it almost made Hinata bang his head against the wall.

As his father’s hand reached out closer and closer, dangerously close to Hinata’s crotch, Hinata started to panic.

_Omg omg omg omg omg, what the hell is my dad doing! I am going to be raped! I am so sorry mom; I will not be able to get married. PLEASE KILL ME NOW!_

However, much to Hinata’s pleasure, when his father’s hand was about 3 feet from Hinata’s dick, his arm fell silent and the grip on both his legs and arm relaxed. Hinata took this chance and jumped up, running towards the door with such speed. When he was finally out of the kitchen, he collapsed against the wall, probably due to the loss of blood and traumatic experience.

After a minute of silence, Hinata finally heard the footsteps of his father slowly walking towards the door.

 “Shoyo….I’m gonna go upstairs to sleep…..” His father said, while wobbling over to the stairs, using the walls as support, “clean up this mess, and then go to sleep…” By now, his father was halfway up the steps. Hinata could hear his footsteps, walking the west of the way up the stairs into his bedroom. Once the sound of footsteps subsided, and Hinata heard the sound of a door closing, he curled up in a ball again, but this time he was curled up against the floor.

He sobbed. Hinata sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed until his eyes turned the color of a crimson rose.

_What do I do, what do I do, what do I do! I need serious help, but I can’t risk calling anybody. My arm is bleeding right now, and there is a word carved into my arm that it really bad and omg what do I do…._

Hinata was just too fucking scared to think clearly. His arm was bleeding, he was severely upset, and he really needed someone right now. He didn’t want to call any of his teammates, because 1: he didn’t feel the need to bother them this late at night, or rather this early in the morning, and 2: he didn’t want his teammates worrying about him, hence he didn’t want them to know anything was wrong.

After a long time of thinking, all Hinata really wanted to do was to go to sleep, but he had to clean up the mess in the kitchen first. So, when Hinata went into the kitchen, a place he didn’t want to be at the moment, he grabbed a broom and swept up the remaining mess on the floor. After cleaning everything up, he walked up the stairs and headed straight to the bathroom.

Once Hinata was inside of the bathroom, he tried his best not to look in the mirror. Hinata knew that if he did, he would be met with a terrifying, beat up look. He knew his face was bruised, he knew his eyes were burning red, and he knew his hair was a mess. Therefore, without looking in the mirror, Hinata made his way over to the cabinet that held all of the bandages. Opening it up, he took them out and started to apply it to his left arm.

Hinata cried as he read the word that was now permanently carved onto his body. Now, that there was no escaping who he really was, Hinata had nothing to fear. Not only was he gay, but he was also a fag. An outcast who didn’t belong in this world. A freak of nature that didn’t deserve to live!

_Woah, what the hell am I thinking! I better bandage this wound up quickly and go to sleep before I do anything too rash. After all, I do have to go to the two day joint-training camp tomorrow._

Hinata swiftly bandaged his wound without another thought.

***************

_“Hinata, boke!”_

_“Shut up! Bakageyama!”_

_“Hinata, you dumbass!”_

_“King of the court!”_

_Hinata and Kageyama were currently in the clubroom, with the rest of the team, getting ready for the day’s afternoon practice. The two of them were arguing over the recent race that they had. Hinata says that he has 70 wins and one draw, but Kageyama says that Hinata has 69 losses and one draw._

_“I obviously have 70 wins, bakageyama, because I just one the last race we had to afternoon practice!”_

_“No, you dumbass, that was your 69 th win! Before our race to afternoon practice, you only had 68 wins and one draw!”_

_“No!”_

_“Yes!”_

_“NO!”_

_“YES YOU DUMBASS!”_

_“SHUT UP THE TWO OF YOU!” Daichi yelled from the door of the clubroom, with a very angry expression on his face, “Practice is about to start, so stop fighting and get ready!”_

_After Daichi’s scolding of the two of them, they both shut up immediately after. After getting ready for practice, they exited the clubroom and made their way to the gym._

_Afternoon practice went by in a blur. Everything was going fine, and Kageyama and Hinata’s super-quick was going excellent. Both Asahi’s and Yamaguchi’s serve was on point, and Nishinoya’s and Daichi’s receives were amazing. Tsukishima’s blocking was also wonderful. After a very successful practice, everyone headed towards the clubroom to relax._

_They were all having good, individual conversations, occasionally all discussing something funny. There were laughs, insults, and yelling, but everyone was spirited and cheerful. When everyone was having their own, little conversations, Tanaka spoke up and asked the whole team a question._

_“Say, does anyone have a crush?”_

_This made everyone’s head turned to Tanaka, who was looking at everyone, searching for a slight blush, or movement of the mouth._

_To Tanaka’s pleasure, his eyes gazed upon Asahi, who was looking down at his water bottle with a small blush on his face. Tanaka quickly caught note of this, and started to bombard Asahi with every embarrassing question possible._

_“Say, Asahi-san, who is it? Is it someone we know? Is she older than you, younger than you? Is she pretty? Does she have big boobs!”_

_“Tanaka!” Suga said, trying his best to stop him from embarrassing Asahi any longer, “Stop it! Your obviously embarrassing Asashi!”_

_“No, it’s ok, Suga-san! I don’t have any problem with it.” Asahi replied, waving his hands furiously in front of his body. “Oh, well I guess it is fine, just as long as you are ok with it.” Suga said back._

_Tanaka, who took this as his cue, continued on with all of his different questions._

_“So, who is it? Is it a third year?” Tanaka asked Asahi, who nodded his head yes back in reply. “So it is a third year!” Tanaka yelled out, before being told to shut up by Daichi. After apologizing, Tanka turned his head to look at Asahi, waiting for a reply._

_“Yeah, she is a third year named Mikuzo Hamari. She is short, but fierce, and is really pretty; I like her a lot. She is the captain of the girls’ basketball club.” Asahi replied back, his blush getting deeper and deeper with each description._

_“OH! Hamari-chan! Yeah, she is a wondrous beauty! She has really big boobs too!” Nishinoya yelled out, pumping his fists in the air._

_Tanaka, who was pleased with Asahi-san’s answer, started going around the room, asking other people if they had any crushes._

_“Say, Tsukishima, you like anyone?” Tanaka said, getting really close in Tsukishima’s personal space._

_“First of all, no I don’t, and second, don’t touch me” Tsukishima replied, pushing Tanaka away from him._

_“Hinata, what about you!” Tanaka asked, positioning his body so he was facing Hinata. Hinata, who actually had a crush on someone, nodded silently while blushing and looked down, facing his towel._

_Tanaka, who took the hint that Hinata liked someone, pumped his fist in the hair, spun around with Nishinoya while doing this really small dance, and pointed at Hinata._

_“Hinata! As your respectful senpai, it is my job to know who you have a crush on, just so we can approve of her! So, it is also your job as a kohai, to tell me who your crush is! Now, spit it out!” Tanaka yelled out._

_Nishinoya, who was also in this little rant that Tanaka was having, joined in and started asking Hinata questions._

_“Is she pretty?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Is she a first year?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Does she play volleyball?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Tell me Hinata, what is she like?”_

_“Well, he is kind, for sure.”_

_“Is he-“_

_Suddenly, Nishinoya went quiet, quickly taking in what Hinata had just said. Tanaka then too, and then Tsukishima, and then Kageyama, and then the rest of the team._

_The clubroom had turned dangerously silent. No one was moving, no one was talking, everything was still and silent. Hinata felt as if he was drowning at the bottom of the ocean; no air, no light, no movement, no sound. Nothing was happening until Tanaka finally spoke up._

_“Wait…Hinata….you like g-guys?” Tanaka asked, with an expression that said ‘ew, get away from me.’ Hinata felt like he was no longer at the very bottom of the ocean, but even farther. He felt like he was under the ground at the deepest part of the ocean, slowly rotting away from existence._

_Hinata, despite not being able to move or breathe, managed a slow, scared nod. After Hinata’s confirmation of being gay, everyone’s mouth was open. Nothing was said, and there was no movement once again. This time, however, it lasted short. Everyone got up and walked to the door of the clubroom. Before leaving, though, everyone said their last words before leaving._

_“You are disgusting!” Tanaka said, pointing at Hinata, before exiting the room._

_“You doing belong in this world!” Daichi said, before leaving._

_“FAG!” Suga said, after slapping Hinata, and then going out the door._

_“GO TO HELL YOU FREAK!” Nishinoya yelled, kicking Hinata in the gut before stomping out of the clubroom._

_“Don’t talk to me every again, faggot…” Asahi said calmly before leaving._

_“You should just go and kill yourself!” Tsukishima spat at Hinata, before proceeding out the door with Yamaguchi, you gave Hinata the middle finger before exiting._

_Then, there was Kageyama, who was still standing in the same spot as before, not having moved at all. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Kageyama finally began walking towards the door, bangs covering the expression on his face. Halfway out the door, Kageyama stopped in his tracks and began to speak._

_“Hinata….” He said quietly._

_“……”_

_“I’m not tossing to you anymore…”_

_And with that, Kageyama left Hinata all alone, drowning in everyone’s harsh words. Hinata screamed, tears running down his face, head in his hands, creating little puddles of tears._

_I’m not tossing to you anymore…_

_By now, the clubroom was starting to flood. Hinata’s tears were now up to his waist, sitting down. Hinata, despite flooding the whole clubroom, continued to cry. He continued to cry, playing the same phrase repeatedly inside of his head._

_“I’m not tossing to you anymore….”_

_The flood of tears was now up to Hinata’s neck, but he still kept on crying. All the words, all the beatings, all the slurs, they were all flooding inside of Hinata’s head, with no way of escape. They were all hurting Hinata, producing more tears, but there was this one phrase that really stuck out._

_“I’m not tossing to you anymore…”_

_Now, the whole clubroom was flooded with Hinata’s tears. Hinata, even though he was underwater, still continued to cry. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t move; Hinata couldn’t so anything. The words, the painful memories from a few minutes ago, all of these things mixed with Hinata’s tears, continued to flood the clubroom. The carving on his skin, the slurs everyone calls him, the being an outcast in society; by now, the whole clubroom was flooded. There was no escape, no help, no one to turned to. Hinata, who was stuck inside the clubroom filled with tears and pain, had no way to escape. He was stuck there, forever, with the same phrase carved into his memory forever…._

_“I’m not tossing to you anymore!”_

Hinata woke with a start, tears streaming down his face, sitting upright in his bed. His night clothes were drenched with sweat, and he had a splitting headache. For a brief moment, Hinata had forgotten where he was, and what had happened, but then after looking around, he quickly remembered that he was in his bedroom.

_It was just a dream…_

Hinata’s hands were shaking as he got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, he locked the door, turned on the sink, and splashed water on his face. After calming down a little bit, and once his hands stopped shaking, he looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror. He looked like trash. His hair was all tangled, his eyes were red and puffy, but not as bad as before, his black eye still looked like a black eye, not better or worse, there was a new bruised on the cheek opposite of the one with the black eye. The bruise looked bad, but it wasn’t as bad as Daichi’s. He had a small little cut on his lip, and his lips were a little bit chapped. Nothing else was that bad, except the fact that he looked like crap, and his left arm was bandage.

Hinata, who noticed there was a little bit of blood on the bandage, quickly realized that he needed to change it. Hinata took of the bandage, got the new ones, and replaced it as quick as possible, trying his best not to look at the horrible word carved on his arm. Hinata, who was pleased with himself after accomplishing such a difficult task, quickly washed his face once again, brushed his teeth, and walked out of the bathroom. After entering his bedroom, he quickly panicked after remembering what was supposed to be going on that day.

_Crap! The two-day training camp!_

Glancing over at his clock, which read 5:30, Hinata internally screamed at how late he was.

_Oh no! We were supposed to meet at 6:00, and leave at 6:30, but it takes forever to get to Karasuno from my house!_

Thankfully, Hinata had packed his bags a few nights before, because he was excited. Hinata, who was rushing over to his closet in a hurry, quickly got changed into his usual white t-shirt and a pair of black shorts. _Oh wait, the bandage…_ After remembering he had a bandage to cover up, he also grabbed a coat in the process. Even though he was going to have to take the coat of anyways, he still insisted on procrastinating.

After getting dressed, Hinata took a quick glance in the mirror, making sure he looked decent enough. Hinata, who didn’t look as bad as he did when he first woke up, grabbed his bags, and rushed downstairs.

A bad mistake.

Running down the stairs at top speed with two heavy bags on your back isn’t the best of ideas.  Not even on the first step did Hinata trip, fall, and went rolling down the steps right into his father.

_Crap! My Father! I hope that he doesn’t remember anything from last night!_

“Shoyo, my dear, you should be more careful. You are going to be late you know, so you should get going.” His father said in the same deep, calm voice as the time he first saw him yesterday. After everything that had happened last night, Hinata could tell that his tone of voice was fake.

“Y-Yeah, I’m on my way out right now.” Hinata said while rushing past his father.

Hinata thought he had escaped when he had opened the door and took a step outside but yelped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Oh, and Shoyo…don’t tell anyone about what happened last night.”

***************

One could say that Kageyama did not get any sleep.

But, none of that mattered right now, because what everyone was currently worrying about now was Hinata.

Hinata had the nerve to act all weird two days ago, skip morning practice and show up with a black eye yesterday, and now arrive an hour late, 6:30 actually, the time we were supposed to be leaving, and delay the whole trip by a good amount of minutes.

Not only that buy- _Holy Shit_

Hinata looked like trash.

His hair wasn’t brushed at all (probably one of the worst bed-heads Kageyama has ever seen in the entire fucking universe, his black eye looked worse, his eyes looked beaten down, and there was another fucking bruise on his face, which really pissed Kageyama off because there was just no way he “fell down the stairs” again. Kageyama wondered what fake excuse the dumbass will use this time.

All the chatting ceased the moment Hinata approached the team. He looked as if he was hiding something from the team; Kageyama would talk about it with Suga later.

“H-Hey guys, s-sorry I’m late.” Hinata said, with his head down. He walked past the team, not speaking another word to anyone about anything and silently walked onto the bus.

There was definitely something wrong with the shrimp, and the rest of the team knew it too.

This was gonna be one hell of a training camp.


	4. Chapter 3 - Training Camp of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of the Two Day Joint Training Camp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything in italics are thoughts

When someone thinks of a ‘Karasuno Bus Ride’, they would think of a loud, fun, entertaining bus ride with lots of noise and chatter. What someone would not think of a ‘Karasuno Bus Ride’ is everyone on the bus, including the “not giving a crap” Tsukishima, quietly staring at Hinata, who was silently staring out the window, with eyes of pity. Normally the big ball of sunshine would arrive as early as possible on the bus to Tokyo, being very excited for the training camp. Today, however, was the total opposite.

When Hinata had arrived all quiet and depressed that morning, not saying a word while getting on the bus, this struck a nerve with Suga.

Suga had always been the classified unspoken “Mom” of the group. It has been said that whenever someone was sad or had something wrong with them, he would figure it out completely. Today, however, even a little child with no sense of maturity could tell that there was something wrong with Hinata. Not only did he show up that morning with slumped shoulders, semi-puffy red eyes, and a beat down expression, but also he had another bruise on his face, which really bothered Suga.

Suga knew that something was wrong with Hinata that involved violence. Whether it was bullies from school or outside of home, Suga knew that the problem had to be dealt with soon. He wanted to give Hinata some room, though, because if he was actually being bullied, he most likely needed some room to breathe.

Overall, Suga did not actually know how to specifically deal with this situation.

He eventually concluded that he would ask Daichi about it in private once everyone got onto the bus.

Looking around, while everyone entered the bus, everyone was completely silent. Suga could tell, by the expression on everyone’s faces that they all knew that there was something bothering Hinata. Even the rude Tsukishima had a little bit of concern written on his face. Once everyone was onto the bus, except Daichi and him, the two of them walked in together and sat in the very front, which was the seat next to Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei.

When Suga glanced over to where his Coach and sensei were seating, he could tell that they also knew there was something wrong with Hinata. Coach had the “I will talk to him later” look and Takeda-sensei looked like he was about to burst out sobbing. When everyone was situated in their seats and the bus took off to their destination, Suga waited a couple of minutes for the talking to start again.

None of that happened though.

Everyone was looking at Hinata, who sat next to Kageyama and was looking out the window. He looked even worse up close. Suga was going to call him up to the front of the bus to talk to him when Tanaka beat him to it.

“Hinata, is everything okay! Why is there another bruise on your face!” Tanaka asked Hinata, who was sitting with Nishinoya right in front of Hinata and Kageyama. Tanaka was up on his knees, back facing the front of the bus, looking down on Hinata. Suga wanted to tell him to shut up and leave him alone, but at the same time he also wanted to hear Hinata’s answer. He didn’t have the time to answer, however, when Hinata spoke up and answered.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine really! I was just walking into the kitchen at night when my dad bumped right into me on accident! He was holding a pot at the time, so it hit my face and left a bruise, but no need to worry! I will be in top-shape today during the training camp!” Hinata said, while giving the whole team big thumbs up and a bright smile. Suga couldn’t tell if the others noticed it too, but that smile was definitely a fake one. Daichi seemed to notice it too; he would talk with him about it later.

Tanaka also looked a little bit unconvinced, but as far as Suga could tell, he was going to let it go.

Once Tanaka sat down, and everyone started up his or her own little private conversation, Suga took this opportunity to talk to Daichi.

“Daichi,” Suga whispered over to Daichi, who turned back to Suga, getting his attention, “it’s about Hinata.” Suga said quietly. Daichi, who got the memo, sighed and looked down at his feet. Suga couldn’t tell what the captain was thinking, but by the looks of it he could tell it wasn’t something that was good or cheerful.

“Suga,” Daichi choked out a tiny, little sob, “there is a theory I have in mind, and I don’t think you will like it.” Suga could tell that Daichi looked both angry and sad at Hinata. Suga had no idea why he could be angry, but had a vague idea as to why Daichi was sad.

“W-Well, what is this theory of yours?” Suga questioned, nervous for Hinata. Suga wished with all his heart that Daichi’s theory wasn’t something terribly bad.

“Well….first I have to tell you something. You see, I’ve sort of been hiding this from you ever since Hinata showed up. I am one-hundred percent sure no one else has noticed, because it was barely noticeable by me.” Daichi said, bringing his sad gaze up from the ground and it met with Suga’s.

Suga, who still had no clue as to what the heck Daichi could be talking about, asked, “Daichi, what is it you want to tell me.” Suga whispered. He really hoped no one could over hear their conversation, especially not Hinata.

“So, a couple minutes before we all loaded onto the bus, I was sort-of eavesdropping on a conversation between Coach Ukai and Hinata. Hinata was apparently explaining to him what had happened to his face, and why he was late. Towards the end of the conversation, I saw Coach Ukai shake Hinata’s hand and pat him on the back, telling him to get better. When I saw them shake hands, however, Hinata’s jacket rose up just a little bit, and I-I saw….I saw…” Daichi almost choked on what he was about to say next, because he didn’t want his theory to be true, “I saw b-bandages, Suga, fucking bandages. What if he is hurting himself! What if, W-What if…”

“Daichi!” Suga whisper yelled, trying his best to calm the captain down. Suga was obviously taken aback at Daichi’s words. There was no way the little ball of sunshine was hurting himself, but then again, he has been acting very strange in a not-good-at-all sort of way. After hearing Daichi’s theory, and putting together all of Hinata’s recent strange behavior, his theory might as well be true.

_Wait, Suga, do not think that. It might not be true at all; no need to jump to conclusions._

“Listen, Daichi, you need to calm down. We have no actually way of proving that that is what is actually happening. Besides….”

_Shit…._

“Your right Suga, it is just a theory anyway-wait, Suga! Why do you look so pale? And besides what…is there something wrong?” Daichi said, shooting nervous glances in Suga’s direction.

_The training camp! We still have no idea what’s wrong with Hinata, and they are going to be asking questions as to why Hinata looked and acted like crap. Oh God…I totally forgot about our main objective._

“Two words: Training Camp. Daichi, they are bound to ask us what’s wrong with Hinata, and we don’t have a straight answer to give. Plus, by the looks of it, Hinata definitely will not be on his A game, which isn’t a good thing.” Suga said to Daichi.

Daichi, who’s realization was just coming into place, dropped his jaw and stared as Suga with wide eyes. “Suga, you’re right! What are we going to do?” Daichi said, forgetting to whisper. Suga held back the urge to restrain his mouth, but fortunately, nobody heard them. After getting Daichi to calm down a little bit, they finally continued with their conversation.

“There has to be something we can do, Suga, I don’t want Hinata to feel any more overwhelmed than he already his. All that will do is make matters worse.” Daichi whispered over to Suga, who nodded in response to Daichi’s question.

_There has to be something we can do! A message, a warning, anything! Wait…._

“There is something we can do, Daichi! We just have to hope he goes through with it!” Suga yelled as quietly as he could. He didn’t know of his plan would work, because the person on the other side would have to go through with it, and this plan could potentially make the whole situation worse, but it was the only thing that Suga could come up with.

“He? Suga, what is your plan of action?” Daichi asked, very confused.

“Well, you do have Kuroo’s number, don’t you? Just text him telling him that there is something wrong with Hinata, and asking him if he can tell his team to lay of the questions. That could work, right? Suga asked, with a tint of hope in his voice. This plan was the best for Hinata, and it was all that they could do.

“Yeah, that could work, but I don’t know if Kuroo would go through with it. I mean, he is a nice guy on the inside, sort of.”

“Sort of?” Suga was starting to think that this plan wouldn’t go through after all.

“Well, like you said, it doesn’t hurt to try.”

“Yes, Daichi, it could.”

“Then what else can we do?”

“Nothing…”

“That’s my point. I will do my part, texting Kuroo what you said, and hopefully things will work out. I mean, I’m sure things will. If they don’t, they don’t, and there is nothing we can do about it.” Daichi said, reassuring Suga.

“Your right, Daichi, just do it.”

“And I will.” Daichi said, taking out his phone and started searching for Kuroo’s number.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Kuroo, who was currently eating lunch outside with Kenma, Yaku, Lev, and Yamamoto, was getting excited for the afternoon.

“Kuroo-san, why are you acting all excited?” Yaku asked Kuroo, who was currently eating a Tuna sandwich while browsing through his phone. After hearing Yaku’s question, Kuroo looked up from his phone and stared at Yaku.

“I’m not acting excited!” Kuroo said, putting down his phone and glaring at Yaku. “Yes you are Kuroo. Is it about the training camp taking place in two hours?” Kenma asked, agreeing with Yaku’s statement. Kuroo, was had no intention of giving up, snapped back at the two of them. “Of course I’m excited, but I sure as hell am not acting like it.” Kuroo said with his mouth full of tuna sandwich.

“Kuroo-senpai, no one can understand you when your mouth is full of tuna sandwich.” Lev pointed out, making Yaku laugh while holding his stomach.

“Shut up! All of three of you!” Kuroo said at the three of them. By now all of them where laughing, except for Kenma who was chuckling a little bit. Kuroo, who still had the tuna sandwich in his mouth, had little pieces of breadcrumbs fall form his mouth whenever he spoke. Clearly annoyed, Kuroo swallowed the whole thing before speaking again.

“I swear you three will pay for this-“Kuroo’s words where cut off by the buzz of his phone. The three of them stopped laughing to look at Kuroo’s phone, which was vibrating. Kuroo, who had finished his sandwich, dropped the conversation to look at his text.

“Who texted you?” Yaku asked, curious as to who Kuroo was texting, “Is it Bokuto-san?”

Kuroo picked up the phone, also curious as to whom texted him. It wasn’t Bokuto, because he was busy getting ready for the training camp and said he could talk, so who could it be? Unlocking his phone, he went to his messages to check who texted him. As it turned out, it was actually Daichi.

_Why would Karasuno’s captain text me now? It’s probably about the training camp today._

“It was actually Karasuno’s captain. Probably about the two day training camp.” Kuroo replied, opening up the text. “Oh,” Yaku replies. Lev, who was joining in on the conversation, asked, “What did he say?”

“Hold on, let me open it.”

Kuroo, who opened up the text message, proceeded to reading it.

_To - Kuroo_

_From – Karasuno’s Captain (Daichi)_

_Received 12:41 pm_

_Listen, Kuroo, I really need you to cooperate._

_Something terrible has happened to Hinata, and we don’t know exactly what it is. All we know is that he is injured greatly, and is not acting his usual bright self._

_Please, if you could, tell your team not to ask him any questions that would overwhelm him. If you will, thanks for your concern._

Kuroo, who’s mouth got wider and wider after every word, dropped his phone and let out a small gasp, quickly covering his mouth.

“Kuroo, what’s wrong?” Kenma quickly asked, dropping the game he was playing and put a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder.

_Something has happened to the shrimp? That’s terrible…_

“Yaku, Kenma, Lev, please gather up the whole team, including the coach immediately, no questions. I will explain later what is going on.” Kuroo said, picking up his phone and walking over to the gym, leaving the three of them sitting there in complete shock.

\------------------------------------------------------

Once everyone was gathered inside of the gym, everyone formed a half circle around Kuroo while he explained to the whole team, including the coaches, what was going on.

“Now I need you all to cooperate with me here. I just received a text from Karasuno’s captain, that was really important. And, as you all know who Karasuno’s number 10 is, well…he texted me saying that something terrible has happened to him, but they don’t know what it is yet. He told me that he was injured and isn’t actual self. So, please, during the training camp, don’t ask him any questions that will overwhelm him, because that will just make matters worse. That is all.” Kuroo said, before leaving the gym.  Everyone, especially Kenma, stood there in complete silence, not knowing what else to say.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Hinata’s fake mask and fake smile was obviously not working.

What he was supposed to do was walk onto the bus, not having worried a single soul, and act like he did a few days ago. Unfortunately, considering Hinata’s luck within the past two days, have been absolute shit; he did the exact opposite.

It wasn’t Hinata’s fault actually, it was Kageyama’s. Now, every time he looks at him, he gets this weird feeling inside of his stomach. Also, on top of all of that, there was no way that Hinata could face all of his teammates, not after that dream. Still, Hinata still had that little thought in the back of his head that everything will be ok.

He was wrong.

Hinata, who still had no idea on whether or not he was actually gay, was getting abused by his father, and completely hates himself, needs to talk to someone.

But just doesn’t know who.

He thought about Suga being his option, but quickly chickened out after his dream; there is no way it will be one of his teammates after that.

Then, he thought about Kenma, but he didn’t want to be bothersome to him. He is on another team after all.

So, after about a few minutes of thinking, Hinata came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t say a word to anyone and lay low for a while.

Worst mistake ever.

Not even a few minutes on the bus and he is already being questioned by Tanaka-senpai. Completely scared, Hinata put on the brightest mask he could manage and came up with the most believable excuse that would come to mind. Even though no one bought it, it did save Hinata from being questioned any more.

Now, only minutes away from their destination, Hinata was scared out of his mind.

Not only did he feel completely alone and useless, the memories from that night were slowly coming back to him; something he didn’t want to have to deal with. On top of that, they are going to the two day training camp at Tokyo, which Hinata was both excited and anxious about. He really wanted to have the chance to play volleyball, but A.) He didn’t know if he was physically and mentally ready to play, and B.) He knew that he was going to be bombarded with questions once he arrived, something he wasn’t completely ready to do.

Overall, Hinata just didn’t know what to do with just about everything.

As they neared the school, Hinata started to panick. He didn’t want to deal with everyone asking him what happened, and he didn’t want to deal with secretly replacing his bandage, and crap…

_I am so screwed! I am so screwed! What if they all find out what happened! What if they see my arm!_

Hinata threw is head in his hands and let out a loud gasp, catching the attention of Kageyama who was next to him, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi who were in the seat behind him, Tanaka and Nishinoya who were in front of him, and Asahi who was in the seat next to Kageyama and Hinata.

“Hinata, are you ok!” Asahi loudly asked, getting the attention of everyone on the bus.

Hinata didn’t have the words to respond. Instead, he let out another loud gasp, tears running down his face. He had no way of controlling what was happening, and he just wanted to stop.

_Why the hell can I not speak! But wait…_

_What will my team think of me? What will the other teams say when they see me? What if my dreams come true? What if everyone finds out about what my dad did to me? What if they hate me for it!_

By now, Hinata, who was feeling scared as shit, was gasping for air trying his very best to breathe. He was obviously having a panic attack, but didn’t know how to deal with it. His head was in his hands, and he felt like he was drowning. He wasn’t sobbing, but there were small trails of tears rolling down his face.

“Everybody, clear away from Hinata and give him space! Tanaka, give him this water bottle.” Coach Ukai yelled out to everybody, while throwing a water bottle at Tanaka. Tanaka, who caught it with ease, gave it to Hinata, telling him to drink it.

Suga, who ran from the front of the bus all the way to the back, told everyone to back up (including Kageyama) and knelt in front of the seat that Hinata was sitting in. Suga put a hand on Hinata’s shoulder and started spouting words of comfort.

“Hinata, everything is going to be alright. Everything is fine, no one is going to hurt you. Just breathe in….out….in….out….Your safe Hinata, just relax.” Suga said in one of the most calming voices Hinata has ever heard. With Suga’s words of comfort, the warm hand relaxing his shoulder, all the worried glances his teammates where shooting him; Hinata slowly began to calm down, second by second.

By the time Hinata was calm and his panic attack was over, they had arrived at the two day training camp. No one, who was still in shock after what had happened, made a move to get off the bus. Even the coach and sensei still stood there in shock sending worried glances in Hinata’s direction.

Hinata, who wanted all of the attention off of him, wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible.

“W-Well, what are you all s-standing there for. L-Let’s go play some volleyball….!”

\-----------------------------------------------------

It took Karasuno 10 minutes to get off the damn bus once they arrived.

When the bus had arrived, Kuroo, Kenma, Yaku, Lev, Yamamoto, Bokuto, Akaashi, and all the Coaches and teachers were gathered at the front of the school, ready to greet Karasuno. They had all been informed of Hinata’s condition, so they were really worried for the shrimp. So, when Karasuno arrived, they expected everyone to get off the bus excited to be hear, with a very quiet Hinata.

Instead, they were met with ten minutes of nothing.

Kenma, who was getting really bored, asked the question to nobody in particular. “What is taking them so long to get off the bus?” Kenma asked, getting everyone’s attention.

“Don’t know, since you can’t see through the window from this far away. It’s really hard to tell what they are doing in there.” Yaku responded, shrugging and taking a sip of his water bottle.

“Who knows? Maybe they are just taking a long ass time of getting ready, or maybe someone threw up?” Kuroo suggested, causing everyone to relax a little.

 _Maybe they are just taking a long time to get ready,_ Kenma reassured himself, _Hopefully there is nothing wrong with Shoyo._

After what felt like years, the members of Karasuno stated filing out. The first one out was Shoyo……

_OH MY GOD!_

Everyone gasped and put their hands to their mouth. Some even tried to contain yelps as they sat Hinata walk towards the school. When Kuroo had explained Shoyo’s current situation to everyone, none of them had expected it to be this bad. As Shoyo got closer, they could all see his face clearly.

He looked like trash.

His hair was a bed head ten times worse than Kuroo’s; he had a black eye on one side of his face, and a bruise on another. His eyes were a little bit red and puffy, and he wore a frown on his face. His hands were in his pockets, and he walked with his head facing the ground. As he walked by the group of people, he showed no side of saying hi or jumping up and down with excitement. There was truly something bad with Shoyo, and it really bothered Kenma.

Once he was out of earshot, Kenma balled is fists and held his head low.

“Shoyo…”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Kuroo said, putting a hand on Kenma’s shoulder, reassuring him that everything was going to be ok, “We will figure something out.”

Kenma wasn’t too sure of that when he saw the rest of Karasuno walk out of the bus.

They all looked on edge, almost as if a bomb were about to explode. By the looks of their expression, he could tell that something had definitely happened on that bus, and Kenma wanted to know what had happened.

They all looked mad, as if they were mad at something, but they also looked sad, as if they were pitying something. When they all walked past, they didn’t say a word. The coach, teacher, and captain, however, stayed behind to talk to everyone.

“Did something happen in the bus?” Coach Nekomata asked them, filled with concern.

“Well,” their coach explained, “Hinata had a panic attack…”

_A panic attack?!_

With these words everyone’s jaw is dropped, everyone gasps, some even holding back chokes.

“A panic attack? That’s terrible! I hope Hinata is ok!” Lev yelled out, breaking the silence. He looked like he was about to cry, and Kenma couldn’t blame him. Shoyo, who was happy and filled with too much energy; anyone would pity him if they saw him being depressed.

“Well, for now, but we don’t exactly know what is exactly wrong with him. We hope that he will gather up some courage and talk to someone with this training camp, but now I’m n-not so sure.” Their captain said,  his gaze returning to the floor once more. Kuroo, who looked like he was about to punch a wall, quickly spoke up.

“Look, we don’t know for sure if that’s the case, but it will work out eventually. I already talked to most of the people at this training camp, and they all said that they will do their best not to fluster chibi-chan in any way. So, I think the best thing to do would to just give him some room.” Kuroo said, trying his best to reassure Karasuno’s captain. It apparently worked, because he quickly nodded, responded with a “Your right…” and just walked off to their destination.

Kenma was really worried for Shoyo. He didn’t want him being so sad and beaten up. Just from a little glance, Kenma could tell that there was something seriously wrong with Hinata, and he wanted with all of his heart to figure out what was wrong with him. Kenma couldn’t stand watching someone so energetic look so down.

“Don’t worry, Kenma,” Yaku reassured him while putting a hand on Kenma’s shoulder, “I’m sure he will eventually be ok.”

Kenma wanted so badly to believe those words.

“Yaku’s right, Kenma, no need to beat yourself up because of this.” Kuroo stated, adding on to what Yaku said.

“Your right….” Kenma responded, looking up from the floor and towards the school.

“Well, in that case, let’s go play some volleyball!” Bokuto exclaimed, leading the rest of the group towards were everyone else was playing volleyball.

\---------------------------------------

Hinata really wanted to play volleyball. At the same time, however, he didn’t want anyone seeing the bandage on his left arm. Not only will that raise suspicion among everyone, but he was afraid of what will happen when he goes to block or receive the volleyball. Since the wound hadn’t fully healed yet, it was bound to start bleeding when he played, and Hinata didn’t really want to deal with that. Also, everyone might suspect that Hinata had purposely harmed himself, which he didn’t, and he also didn’t want to deal with that either.

So, after a long time of debating, Hinata decided he would play volleyball with his jacket on. If anyone asked (which people probably will) he was just going to say that he was extra cold.

After getting all of his stuff settled inside of the room that everyone was going to sleep in, he slipped on his shoes and headed out after everyone else.

Unfortunately, for Hinata, everyone stopped to look at Hinata who was currently wearing a jacket. “Aren’t you gonna be hot in that?” Tanaka asked, giving Hinata one of the most questionable looks. “Not only that, but that jacket is going to mess up your receives, blocks, and spikes.” Kageyama added, also giving Hinata a very questionable look.

_Crap! Kageyama spoke to me!_

“Uh-I Uh...I-It’s really cold, you see, and um yeah…” Hinata quickly said, rushing past the group and sprinted towards the gym. Hinata could feel all of the eyes on him, and he didn’t feel like dealing with them. Hinata quickly entered the gym, hoping to avoid his team’s gazes.

But everything was worse inside of the gym.

The moment Hinata entered, everyone’s eyes were on him. Hinata knew why they were all looking at him with such pitiful eyes, and it really annoyed him. He didn’t want people looking at him any differently than they have before; it really pissed him off. What was even worse than the gazes was the pointing and gasping.

_I mean sure, someone walks in with a black eye and a bruise, but you don’t have to be so rude and obvious about it._

As Hinata slowly made his way to were his first match was against, which was Nekoma, he could feel all of them secretly looking at him, but at least they were trying to be secret about it.

When the rest of the team showed up, everyone got settled and both teams started their stretches and warm ups.

Hinata was starting to get really nervous. Even though he knew in advanced that receiving and blocking with his left arm was going to be painful, he was still scared. It was going to hurt and Hinata was bound to show some little sign of hurt or discomfort. The last thing Hinata needed was for anyone to see the horrible word left behind on his arm. So, being the stubborn decoy he is, he wasn’t going to let anyone figure out the truth behind why he was wearing the jacket.

Hinata was brought out of his thoughts when Daichi yelled out, “Line up for receives!”

_Oh, shit…._

Hinata reluctantly got in the back of the line, severely regretting even coming to this training camp in the first place. _Oh wait, my father forced me to._ Coach Ukai got in front of the line and started spiking balls at the first person in line. When it was Nishinoya’s turn, he proceeded in doing the “Rolling Thunder.” Even in Hinata’s current mood, he still had the energy and spirit to gawk and Nishinoya’s awesome receive. Then, after him, it was Daichi, then Ennoshita, then Tanaka, then Tsukishima, then Yamaguchi then-

It was Hinata’s turn.

“Hinata, are you sure you are ok with playing in that? Not only are you eventually going to get hot, but it is going to mess up your receives and blocks.” Coach Ukai asked, giving him a face of confusion.  “Yes, I’m sure.” Hinata said, trying his very best to manage even the smallest of smiles. After confirming that he will be wearing his jacket for the entire game, Coach Ukai resumed the drill once more, throwing up the ball in a preparation to spike it at Hinata.

_Here it comes…_

Once the ball hit the Coach’s hand, fortunately for Hinata, it came sailing right in his direction. Unfortunately, that also meant it had a lot of momentum. Bracing for impact, Hinata quickly got in position and received the ball right back to Coach Ukai. Once the ball reached Hinata’s arms, Hinata let out a grunt in pain before leaving to the end of the line. Everyone, including the coach, seems to notice Hinata’s action, and were all worried, especially Suga-mama.

When Hinata had reached the back of the line, Yamaguchi turned around and asked Hinata  the question.

“Hinata, are you ok? That receive looked like it really hurt.” Yamaguchi asked Hinata, with a tone of concern in his voice. “No, didn’t hurt at all! Just took me a little off guard because I wasn’t paying attention.” Hinata responded, giving Yamaguchi one of the biggest thumbs up and smiles he could manage. Luckily, their short, awkward conversation came to an end when the Coach called everybody over to the bench were they would discuss starting positions.

“Ok, so Nishinoya, Asahi, Daichi, Kageyama, Tanaka, and Hinata will all be out starters. These are your positions, so get in them once you get on the court. That’s all I have to say, besides do your best and have fun!” Coach Ukai explained, showing everyone their starting positions, and getting everybody into a little huddle. Once in the huddle, everybody put their hands in the middle.

“KARASUNO!” Daichi yelled out.

“FIGHT!” Everyone else yelled out, releasing their hands from the middle pumping them in the air and walking out onto the court.

Once on the court, all of the starters of Nekoma gave Hinata a questioning look. Kuroo even pointed to Hinata’s jacket while quirking an eyebrow. “I’m really cold.” Hinata replied, walking over to the far side of the court where he was positioned.

When the game started, nothing bad had happened at first. Hinata could perform his quicks without problem all while avoiding Kageyama. Whenever Hinata went up to block, it would bounce off Hinata’s right arm, his hands, or somebody else’s arm. Also, since he was in the vanguard, he did not have to worry much about receiving as much as Nishinoya and Daichi did.

Unfortunately, considering Hinata’s luck, things started to go wrong when Hinata was rotated towards the right of the court.

It was Karasuno’s serve, which was Asahi serving, and he performed a perfect jump power serve as usual. Nekoma’s libero, however, picked the serve right up and sent it to Kenma. Kenma jumped up to set it to Kuroo-

 _Wait_ …

At the corner of Hinata’s eye, he could see Lev running up to jump. He quickly followed Lev and jumped right as Kenma tossed him the ball. Unfortunately, for Lev, Hinata was there just in time for Lev to spike the ball right into Hinata’s arms, and have it bounce right off and onto their side of the court.

Hinata didn’t care about the point; he only cared about the point.

Hinata yelped out in pain after that block, which had sadly hid directly on Hinata’s left arm. Hinata fell onto his knees, hand grasping his left arm, which was now bleeding. The blood was soaking his jacket, and there was blood trickling down his arm onto his hands, visible to everyone.

“Oh my god, Hinata! Are you okay!” Daichi quickly asked, rushing over to Hinata’s side.

Hinata didn’t want any of this to happen. He was just supposed to enjoy the sport of volleyball without any worry, and here he was. Kneeling on the floor with a bloody arm, and a crowd of volleyball players (from both teams) crowded around him. Hinata didn’t want any of this attention, let alone the pain.

_It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault! If only I wasn’t gay, then none of this would have ever happened._

_If I wasn’t gay, I wouldn’t have the word ‘Fag’ carved into my skin._

_I wouldn’t have people worrying about me._

_I wouldn’t be a burden._

_Why can’t I just be normal!_

Hinata stood up, ignoring the protests and concerned voices of his teammates, and pushed past the clump of people around him. He quickly ran out of that gym as fast as possible , ignoring all of the gazes that were boring onto his back. Once out of the gym, Hinata ran as fast as he could to the bathroom. One inside of the bathroom, Hinata locked himself in one of the stalls, where no one would ever reach him.

He felt guilty, but he also felt safe in a weird sort of way. None of that mattered anyway, as Hinata cried and cried until he was practically sobbing uncontrollably. After crying a good amount of minutes, his pain from his left arm quickly brought him back into reality.

Hinata quickly took of his jacket and threw it on the bathroom floor. Then, he slowly started to unravel the bandages that were on his arm. Once they were all off, he threw them on the floor also.

Once everything constricting his wound was off, he took a second to look at his wound.

_‘Fag’_

That word made him want to die in a hole so badly, but he had to be strong for his team, no matter how sad he was. Then again, there was another side of him that told him no one cared; that they all thought he was a fag. Thinking back on this, he remembered his dream, the way all of his teammates looked at him. It made him want to throw up then and there.

Quickly getting a wad of toilet paper, he began dabbing in the wound, trying his best to soak up all the blood.

He was so involved in him cleaning the wound that he didn’t notice the sound of the door opening.

So, after cleaning up the wound, Hinata walked out of the stall to rinse off all of the dry blood and through the piece of toilet paper away.

Worse mistake ever.

Once he left the stall, there was someone standing in the doorway, looking at him in pity. Hinata couldn’t tell who he was, because he wasn’t looking at him at the time. So, when he went to go rinse off the dry blood, he was scared out of his mind when the person came behind him and grabbed his arm, muttering two, devastating words.

“Hinata….why?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo….who is the person in the bathroom? Read to find out! Also, sorry for my trash writing, I try my best. Anyways, see you next chapter!


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